Beauty and the Bastard
by DrainBamage
Summary: From now until the last petal falls, Uchiha Sasuke, you will be cursed, yourself, your castle, and all those you employ shall be disguised. If you have not managed to have someone fall in love with you and you, in turn, fall for them, you will perish!"
1. Well Shit

Title: Beauty and the Bastard. 1/10

Author: drainbamage954

Rating: PG-13/eventual NC-17

Genre: Fantasy, Romance, Humor

Wordcount: 2,366

Warnings: YAOI (men doing naughty things to each other). Lots of profanity.

Summary: "From now until the last petal falls, Uchiha Sasuke, you will be cursed. If you have not managed to have someone fall in love with you, you will perish!"

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Nor do I own the original story of Beauty and the Beast. I make no profit from this except my own twisted joy at writing this twisted thing.

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1. Well Shit.

Sasuke was about ready to throw his door at the person who was currently knocking it instead of opening it. This would be beneficial for two reasons, the first being that it would stop the menace from continuing to disturb him and would also be extremely satisfying. He'd always wanted to break down a door. Unfortunately, it would also mean he would have to get a new front door. And potentially be charged with murder.

Glaring like Satan, he wrenched the large oak doors open, giving the figure before him a look that could kill small forest creatures. "WHAT!" he snapped loudly, beautiful pale and perfect face staring down.

The small and filthy creature before him looked up, her horribly old, unwashed and wrinkled face blinking pitifully up at the proud man. Sasuke nearly recoiled in disgust, about ready to punt the nasty creature off his immaculate doorstep. Why such a thing thought it would be _allowed_, let alone welcome here was beyond Sasuke. Usually, no one below the rank of noble was allowed past the tall marble gates, his prestige so high. To have something so low before him made Sasuke feel sick.

Shakily, the feeble old woman extended her gnarled hands up toward Sasuke, her weak mouth opening as her creaky voice wobbled out. "Alms for an old woman."

"Get off my property, hag," Sasuke spat, wondering if 'poverty' was a transmittable disease.

The old woman coughed, the action wracking her thin frame. "Please," she warbled. "I am cold and hungry. Won't you help a poor creature?"

"I'm feeling sullied and unusual but you don't see me begging you to help me," Sasuke retorted, black eyes cold as he glared down at the obnoxious and probably diseased woman.

The woman coughed again, her watery eyes pleading. "Fair Prince, please. I am old and weak, have you no goodness in your heart to save a poor soul from deaths icy breath?"

"No," Sasuke said bluntly, the old womans face falling swiftly. "I don't. Now go away before you sully the marble."

Suddenly the old woman cracked her mouth in a horrible grin, the kind that you see old people give and feel spiders racing up your spine, the lack of teeth appalling. A nasty old and wheezing chuckle rose from her throat, making the hairs on Sasuke's neck stand on end. "Were you never taught, Uchiha Sasuke," the woman said, her eyes suddenly alight with a mischief Sasuke throughly disapproved of. "Never to refuse a demon?"

Sasuke felt a cold chill race down his back, settling to rattle about in his stomach. "Actually, I was taught never to let them into my house, something about them eating my soul," he said, never one to back down even when he realized his defeat and, in this case, impending doom. He watched in dread and realization as the womans crooked back straightened, allowing her to rise to her full height before exceeding that, eventually stopping her reenactment of Jack-and-the-Beanstalk human style to tower five feet over Sasuke, her old tattered shall falling about her impressively. Her face had swiftly morphed into a younger visage, the lines of wisdom still present though not as dramatic as her eyes turned bright yellow.

"Sasuke, you are a cold and cruel being," the now impressive and fully unmasked demon said, pointing to him dramatically as the air around them seemed the throb with ominous power.

"Is it really necessary to point out the obvious?" Sasuke asked, feeling that, considering the circumstances, if he was going to die anyway he mightn't bother saving himself. It would be like denying that puberty existed as you stared at your acne and obvious morning wood.

The demon blinked at him, seeming to be legitimately surprised at his actions. "Aren't you going to start begging for your life?" it asked, cocking an eyebrow at him. "Crying for forgiveness, going down on your knee and swearing to change your ways?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Would that do anything?"

The demon laughed lowly, it's now magnified voice booming around the large estate, making the marble columns shiver. Sasuke hoped the foundations remained intact. "You're probably the first arrogant ass hole that hasn't tried to negotiate with me in some way," it said, leering at Sasuke, it's yellow eyes glinting.

"Is that a compliment?" Sasuke asked, wondering how long he had to wait before the damn thing blew him up, stripped him to pieces, banished him to a world of infinite torture or something equally as horrific.

"An observation," the demon clarified. It seemed to be extremely entertained. "Uchiha, you have a cold and hard heart, knowing nothing but yourself and caring for none."

"Yes, and?" Sasuke said, interrupting the demon, even daring to shoot a glare at it.

"Don't interrupt!" the demon snapped, irritation flashing through its eyes as it loomed over the raven. "I should be a proper demon and kill you, ridding the world of your arrogance, but you amuse me." Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "So, I'll give you the once in a lifetime opportunity to take that stick of conceit from your pampered little ass and shape up."

"So you're not going to kill me," Sasuke said, condensing the demons speech to a much easier message.

The demon grinned. "Not yet, at least," it said, delight lacing its voice. Holding out a large clawed hand, Sasuke watched as a small plant began to grow in the palm, rapidly maturing through the process of photosynthesis until a perfect lotus blossom rested, beautiful in the demons hand. "You will have until the last petal falls from this lotus to get someone to fall in love with you, or else you will die, cold, alone, and a bastard."

Sasuke's eyes widened in surprise. "That's it?" he said in disbelief.

"Well," the demon said, mischief dancing in its eyes. "When I say fall in love with you, I mean you as you, not your princely looks, charm, or wealth. They have to love your soul."

Sasuke scowled at the demon. "This coming from the giant spectral being which just told me I'm going to die cold, alone, and a bastard."

The demon grinned delightedly. "Yep," it said, the air around them growing heavier as the sky darkened. "From now until the last petal falls, Uchiha Sasuke, you will be cursed, yourself, your castle, and all those you employ shall be disguised. If you have not managed to have someone fall in love with you and you, in turn, fall for them, you will perish!"

There was roll of thunder, the sky flashing with lightning as the demon threw its hands wide, grinning maniacally down at Sasuke, who frowned, thoroughly hating the prickling feeling spreading over his skin. Around him, he saw the walls of his castle begin to darken, the white marble transforming into gray stone, his once manicured courtyard becoming overgrown with gnarled trees, brambles, and weeds. He heard a few distant yells from inside the castle, echoing through the halls, now dark as the lights blew out.

"Are the dramatics really necessary?" the raven asked, cringing slightly as he felt his skin and muscles stretch painfully, his flesh on fire as it began to contort.

The demon smirked at him. "Don't deny a demon its pleasures, kid."

The white lotus remained suspended in the air before Sasuke, the only beautiful thing around him, delicate and white surrounded by darkness and gloom. The sky boomed with thunder again, lightning splitting the sky as Sasuke doubled over, pain lacing his body as he glared at the demon. The being simple grinned at him, watching in delight as his back arched and his feet lengthened, a layer of black fur sprouting over his body. His once beautiful clothes were torn, split from the sudden growth of his body as his teeth bared, his canines elongating into fangs. His skull ached as two twisting and pointed horns grew from his hair.

The transformation lasted only moments, though, as Sasuke lay on all fours, gasping as the waves of pain slowly receded. Wincing and panting, Sasuke looked up at the grinning demon, rain pelting against him and soaking his new layer of fur, weighing it down. It suddenly made him completely understand why cats hated water. His body ached, the vestiges of his transformation into something he really didn't think was going to be attractive still lingering in the newly formed bone, muscle, and skin.

"And if I find someone to love me?" Sasuke ground out, internally withering at the growling and animalistic sound coming from his mouth.

The demon grinned. "Your spell is broken. You go back to being all pretty and human," the demon said, eyes glinting amusedly. "But, not to inflate my ego, I did a pretty slammin' job. Probably the only thing willing to go near you would be a yetti."

Sasuke raised a hand to brush his sopping hair from his face, growling in frustration when he saw that it too was covered in fur, his nails curved into claws. He was further frustrated when he realized that the hair hanging in his face wasn't actually hanging, it was covering fur and, no matter how much he wanted to push it away, it would still be there.

"Good luck getting someone to take that stick out of your ass," the demon said, laughing maliciously as it suddenly imploded upon itself, flashes of color crackling across the sky as it disappeared with a loud boom. Sasuke glowered, finally managing to push himself to his feet and glaring at the spot the demon had been, the absolute downpour beating against him.

He smelled like a drowned cat. Or dog.

Snarling angrily, Sasuke snatched the lotus, still suspended in the air, and stomped back inside his now forbidding castle. As he slammed the large oak door behind him, he tried breathing through his nose, a technique he had learned from his chef years ago. Unfortunately, the technique never worked as well for the spoilt prince as his cook. Especially now, seeing as, when he attempted to breathe deeply, he got a schnoz full of his own thick black face fur, sufficiently clogging his nasal passages.

Spitting in fury, Sasuke stomped up the grand stair case, now cold stone and twisted iron, and and the passages to his private quarters, located in the far north tower and portion of the castle. Sure, he lived here, owned the damn place, but that didn't mean others didn't reside here as well. Thus, he made sure every being in the castle knew that the north section of the castle was his and his alone. Anyone who ventured up there would be locked away and fed stale bread. Or killed.

The reality that he was sopping wet didn't improve Sasuke's mood in the slightest, only serving to further anger him. Growling, he stopped, doing something he'd never once imagined. Leaning over slightly, Sasuke shook himself entirely, much like the way dogs dried off. Growling at being reduced to such actions (even though it had been wonderfully effective), Sasuke lashed out, smashing his clawed fist into the nearest suit of armor, causing the piece to topple into the wall, ripping the painting there down and to break on the floor.

There was a startled shout behind him, causing Sasuke to spin around, teeth bared and practically shooting sparks. Standing, well, figuratively standing, was what could be recognized as the great candelabra from the banquet hall, except it was all contorted, seeming to have been moving. And it had a face.

"Sasuke?" the candelabra asked disbelieving. Sasuke felt like collapsing in a pile of angst as he recognized the voice of his butler and childhood mentor.

"I'm turned into a giant spectral beast and you still manage to recognize me, Kakashi?" the dark prince said, hunched over. "What, can you smell me or something?"

The candelabra _walked _closer to him (something which shouldn't have been possible), shaking its head (?). "You don't exactly smell like Sasuke, more like wet dog," Kakashi said, his voice sounding extremely strange coming from a candlestick. Sasuke growled at him. "You're just the only one who exudes angst and suppressed aggression like that. Logically, it made sense."

"You're a candelabra," Sasuke deadpanned, staring down at his once-butler, now at his feet.

"And you're a giant black beastie," Kakashi retorted.

"Touche," Sasuke growled, turning from the talking candlestick to stomp up to his tower, lotus still held protectively in his hand. Kakashi didn't follow him, instead watching as his now sulking master faded from sight.

Arriving in his study, Sasuke decimated the area, throwing his valuable and rare furniture against the walls, shredding his antique paintings and shattering the glass of the large mirror against the wall. The room, which had taken years to build up to perfection, was destroyed in minutes. Heaving, Sasuke looked down at the small lotus blossom lying on the only intact piece of furniture. Sighing heavily, he walked over and picked it up.

He had until all the petals were gone from the flower to make someone fall in love with him or else he died.

Well shit.

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A/N: I needed to do something fun. I've been so focused on class work and the other two (three) stories that I just needed something to let off steam. I was sitting in class today, talking about ethnomusicology stuff, when this little idea blew up inside my head along with about 50 amusing situations. Needless to say, I didn't write many notes in that class. Lemme know what you think and if I should continue! This is pretty much the intro. The other chapters will be much longer.


	2. I'm Not A Woman Damnit!

Title: Beauty and the Bastard. 2/10

Author: drainbamage954

Rating: PG-13/eventual NC-17

Genre: Fantasy, Romance, Humor

Wordcount: 5,300

Warnings: YAOI (men doing naughty things to each other). Lots of profanity.

Summary: "From now until the last petal falls, Uchiha Sasuke, you will be cursed. If you have not managed to have someone fall in love with you, you will perish!"

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Nor do I own the original story of Beauty and the Beast. I make no profit from this except my own twisted joy at writing this twisted thing.

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2. I'm Not A Woman Damnit!

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining happily down, the clouds frolicking gaily about to the tune of the birds singing and the nearby stream babbling joyfully. The bright rays of Mr. Golden sun were casting the small clearing into brilliant illumination, the small cottage quaint and perfect. The small herd of goats loitering about the back door were cute, occasionally belting as a flock of chickens picked at the ground. The woodshed was stacked nicely, firm logs of timber prepared for the far off winter. The grass was an impossibly bright shade of green. It was beautiful, the epitome of a fantasy cottage. The autumn air was alive with life, happiness, and-

"Would you STOP hitting me over the head already!"

-yells of abuse between the two males inhabiting the small cottage. There was a series of loud crashes and thuds, swiftly followed by a loud bang as the poor front door was slammed open, a young blond boy barreling out, stumbling as he tried to put as much distance between himself and the house. Almost immediately following him was a much older and disheveled man, long white hair trailing down his back as he charged after the boy. The boy was holding a small frying pan, gripped like a club as he jumped away from the older man. The man had a large book in one hand, what looked like a half finished dress in the other.

"How about you stop trying to put me in that ridiculous get up!" the blond was yelling, dodging the old man as he lunged, effectively avoiding being tackled to the soft earth.

"It's not like I have anyone else to fit it!" the old man was yelling, pushing himself up swiftly and attempting to corner the boy by the side of the house. The animals by the back door all ran swiftly out of the, seemingly used to the energetically fighting duo. "Come on, Naruto! I need to get these out as soon as possible!"

The boy, presumably Naruto, hastily dodged the lunge from the old man, jumping over him as he lashed out with the frying pan. The man yelled loudly as the cooking device made perfect contact with his rear, getting him to shoot up and allowing the boy to run to the opposite side of the clearing. "Get one of the village chicks to do it!" Naruto bellowed, jumping about on the spot. "Hell! You talk them up enough! Why's it gotta be me?"

The old man growled, dropping the book and dress as he shot after Naruto, the boy immediately instigating a terribly performed game of tag about the clearing, hurling his frying pan in hopes to incapacitate his pursuer. "Because the whole point of chatting them up is to get them OUT of their clothes! Not put more on!" he bellowed, making a grab for the boy and missing, causing him to pitch forward. "Just let me fit the goddamn dress already!"

Naruto, using the time that the man picked himself up, was attempting to scramble up to the roof, one foot placed dangerously on the water barrel as the other attempted to find stability on a goat (the goat was not happy about this). "I'm not a woman!" Naruto shouted, face twisted between rage and concentration as his arms tried to find something to grip.

Unfortunately for the blond, the goat, having seen the old man charge at him (technically Naruto), immediately bolted, unbalancing the boy and causing him to tumble into the water barrel with a cry. The old man froze for a moment, watching as Naruto attempted to organize himself and haul himself from the water barrel, sputtering incoherently, before his great old frame shook with loud booming laughter.

"Shut up!" Naruto yelled, just as he managed to fall back inside the barrel, only causing the man to laugh even more.

Minutes later, Naruto had been hauled back inside the cottage, grumbling and occasionally lashing out with a futile punch. He was soaking wet, covered in a few scratches from his episode in the water barrel, and feeling extremely abused by his grandfather.

"But I don't wanna," the blond whined as he was thrown into his grandfathers arm chair, slumping unhappily.

"Stop whining, brat," the older man said, sounding exasperated as he went over to a horribly cluttered work bench. Naruto, in response, groaned and let himself slide miserably halfway down the chair, looking like a temper-mental child being told he couldn't go out and play.

"Jiraiyaaaaa!" Naruto whined loudly, throwing his arms about childishly. "Can't you just do something eeeelse? Why's it gotta be dresses?" In response he had a large box of mechanical parts thrown at his head. Groaning, he opened his eyes to glare at his grandfather, who was currently smirking over his workbench.

Jiraiya was an everything man. In other words, he made and did everything, from fixing cart horses to painting portraits to mending clothing. There was nothing he didn't do. Well, except cook, he left that to Naruto. And so it was that the old man was currently finishing the last of an order of dresses he had received from a few towns over. Naruto had, begrudgingly, obliged to help the old man with fitting the majority of them but there came a point when even he needed to keep some form of his masculinity intact. Like now.

"I'll squirm," the blond said, scowling at his grandfather, who didn't look up from the workbench, easily sewing up a hem.

"I'll stick you with needles and pins," Jiraiya retorted, not looking up at his blond grandson.

"I'll rip the seams," Naruto tried again, enjoying the frown his threat had elicited.

"I'll use you as my next test subject for the apothecary," Jiraiya retorted, glaring.

Naruto flinched. Even though Jiraiya was abysmal at cooking, he was excellent at brewing up remedies, a trade his childhood friend, Tsunade, had taught him. Naruto had fortunately been kept from testing his potions thus far, which was fortunate, considering some of them hadn't been exactly life saving as life taking.

"How many more dresses?" Naruto asked, finally relenting to the old man.

Jiraiya smiled, finally cutting the thin thread and shaking the now finished frock out, pleased with his handy work. "This is the last," he said, glancing over at his unhappy grandson.

The dress was very pretty, light blue with a white fringe. It had long sleeves, necessary for the womens work day, and a slightly low collars, enough to provide relief from heat but retain modesty. Overall, it was very nice.

Though that didn't make Naruto want to put it on any more than before. Fortunately, he had an idea.

"Oi, pervert," Naruto said, head jerking up as the idea struck him, no longer scowling. Jiraiya scowled as he looked at him, obviously not enjoying the familiar nick name. "I'll make you a deal," Naruto continued, enjoying the way Jiraiya seemed to perk up slightly at the prospect. "I'll wear you dress, give you the benefit of both seeing me as the granddaughter you've always wanted and be able to fix any problems IF," here Naruto's smirk widened and Jiraiya's dropped. "If you let me make ramen tonight."

Jiraiya loved and hated bargains. Loved them when they were beneficial to him and hated them when they weren't. This one was both. What Naruto was really suggesting was that he be allowed to go into town, probably to waste time doing whatever it was he always did in town before spending all together too much money on food and coming back late to trash the kitchen for dinner. But the food was worth it. Ramen was Naruto's favorite food, and, though the dish itself was nothing special, when Naruto made it, it was absolutely fantastic.

Sighing in defeat, at which Naruto gave a great whoop of joy, Jiraiya nodded before suddenly getting his own small idea and smirking. The smirk made Naruto's face breaking grin falter slightly. "On one condition," Jiraiya said, eyes glinting mischievously, making Naruto's insides twist like an angry monkey.

A half hour later, Naruto was grumbling to himself, a large basket hung over his shoulder as he stomped down the dirt path towards the town, kicking angrily at random branches and stones in his way. Though he had been allowed to go into town, he almost wished he hadn't even brought the idea up now, seeing as he'd never live this down. Then again, the villagers all knew Naruto and his grandfather were rather, to put it simply, odd. What with Jiraiya's multiple professions and Naruto's vividly blond hair and loud voice, they didn't exactly blend in.

Naruto cursed loudly as a large branch caught at the hem of his dress, causing him to trip. Yes, his dress. The condition Jiraiya had given him was that he had to wear one of the original models of dresses into town, to make him 'appreciate the feminine gender.' More like 'do what Jiraiya says next time before being subject to mass public humiliation.' The gress he was wearing was a pretty green, going nicely with his tan skin and blond hair, hugging his frame nicely.

Still grumbling to himself, Naruto continued down the now widening path, not paying attention to surroundings as he walked, passing the signposts and large stone marker designating the beginning of the village. It was a pleasant little community, most of the people living in town rather than out, providing a bakers, a tanners, blacksmith, silversmith, apothecary, and small pub. There was also a small market place which was open daily, the villagers perusing the items on sale with interest.

Naruto ignored them all as he went straight to the bakers, tuning out the whispers and disregarding the looks people shot him. Yes, he was a boy. Yes, he was wearing a dress. If they had a problem with that, they could go shove it. It wasn't like he wanted to be in womens clothing. It was humiliating, demoralizing, emasculating, and more large unhappy words.

"Naruto?"

The blond was snapped from his musings as the familiar voice cut through his thoughts. "Hey Shika," Naruto said absently, not really bothering to pay much attention to the usually lazy brunette as he perused the shelves of freshly baked bread.

"You're wearing a dress," Shikamaru said, eyes still slightly wide as he looked at the blond from his position slouched across the counter. Shikamaru was never one for expressing emotion, or caring about anything really. However, seeing his blond friend walk into the bakery wearing what was obviously a dress, and a nice one at that, had Shikamaru actually coming out of his daze.

Naruto paused in reaching for a loaf of bread to slowly turn his head to Shika, face blank as he looked at the spiky haired boy. "Anything else you'd like to point out?" he asked, feeling annoyed and embarrassed. Of course he knew he was in a dress. Did it really need to be pointed out to him? No, the answer was no.

Shikamaru took a moment for his brain to process the fact that his friend was in a dress, aware of the fact, and not attempting to kill someone. Sighing and letting himself fully settle back on top of the counter, Shikamaru gave the blond a lazy look. "Jiraiya?"

Naruto snorted. "Who else?"

Shikamaru said nothing, continuing to look at the blond. Naruto was, although strange, loud, and not exactly the best egg of the bunch, admittedly very attractive. It was well known that many of the girls in the village had small secret crushes. Secret because their vocal crush was for the village hero, Neji. Naruto was just the one they all admired but believed to be too odd. But he was undoubtedly attractive. Hell, Shikamaru had even heard some of the men down at the pub and restaurant speaking about him.

"It looks good on you," the lazy boy said, not bothering to move as he continued to look at his blond friend.

Naruto froze in mid action of reaching as far back in the shelf as he possibly could, fingers just brushing the farthest loaf of bread. It was by no means a comfortable position, on his toes with his entire body straining to get the last loaf, the wooden shelf cutting into his side. Jerkily, he turned to Shikamaru, face looking shocked and disgusted, blue eyes wide and tan face tinged slightly.

"It what?" Naruto rasped out, trying to fight down the sick feeling in his stomach.

Shikamaru shrugged, laying his head on his arms. "The dress looks good on you."

"I'm a man," Naruto deadpanned, trying to fight down the angry bubble in his throat, coaxing him to start screaming at the boy.

"In a dress," Shikamaru said, not bothering to show his amusement as he saw the blond try to control his vicious outbursts just below the surface. Watching Naruto try to control his temper was like watching someone try to fit a bear in a suitcase. "You pull it off nicely."

People outside the shop literally stopped in their steps, heads turning towards the small bakery as it practically blew up with shouting, a few loud crashes and more profanity than half of the town knew. Moment's later, a furious blond stormed from the building, smears of flour on his beautiful green dress and face, glaring death. Seeing the frozen villagers, Naruto felt his temper peak. Throwing himself wildly in frustration, he managed to shake some of the flour off of himself at the same time as further asserting the villagers beliefs that he was completely bizarre.

"WHAT!" Naruto bellowed at them, chest heaving as he stared daggers at their shocked faces. "Never seen a dress before!"

Not wanting to cause the blond to erupt further, all of the villagers swiftly hurried to their business, hoping to put as much distance between themselves and the furious blond as possible. Sighing and dragging a hand through his blond hair, Naruto tried to calm himself and wincing as he noticed the flour covering the dress. Jiraiya was going to kill him.

Looking down at his basket, Naruto remembered his purpose for coming into town, grumbling as he made his way towards the open market. People once again stared at him as he passed, double taking as they realized that the creature before them in a beautifully fitting dress was not female. Naruto glared at them. Arriving at the market, Naruto ignored the whispers, swiftly going over the food stalls as he picked up his ingredients, pilling them in the basket and paying swiftly. Finally, basket full, Naruto turned from the busy market, finally smiling as he made his way to his favorite store in town. Or building technically.

Pushing the door open to the small village library, Naruto bounded over to the man currently balancing on a large step ladder. "IRUKA!" Naruto yelled joyfully, causing the older man to start, losing his balance on the step ladder and grabbing onto the book shelf in support.

Glaring down at the over excited blond, Iruka attempted to steady himself. "Naruto! Don't startle people like that!"

Naruto frowned childishly up at the brunette, slouching over slightly as he pouted. "The bell rang. You should be more observant, Iruka," he grumbled out, feeling put out at being yelled at by the other.

Iruka sighed, finally managing to steady himself and finally dropping to the floor, a few books in his arms. Running a hand to push back a few stray hairs, Iruka looked up to the boy he practically considered a younger brother and blanched. Iruka was probably one of the few people in the village to accept Naruto and Jiraiya fully, not judging them on their odd antics or habits. This included indulging in Naruto's ramen obsession, looking over Jiraiya's many projects as well as pornography (the man was unbelievably perverted), and even taking care of them when they needed it. However, there were always times when even the crazy due managed to push the compassionate and understanding brunette to his limits.

"Naruto, are you wearing a dress?" Like now. Of course, Iruka knew that Jiraiya loved to make Naruto model his clothing, party because he delighted in irritating the boy and also because Naruto had an almost perfect body. The only thing which marred the boys immaculate gold skin was three faint scars on each cheek. Despite this knowledge though, Iruka had never thought Naruto would actually wear one of Jiraiya's creations in public.

Naruto huffed, letting his head fall back unhappily as he groaned. "Why is this such an immediate issue?" he moaned, head lolling to the side as his shoulders slumped dejectedly. "It's not my fault the old pervert gave me an ultimatum!" Practically oozing dramatics and morbidity, Naruto collapsed against one of the many book shelves, letting himself slide pitifully to the floor as he let out a whine.

"Beacuse you're wearing a dress, you idiot!" Iruka half yelled at the overdramatic boy, resisting the urge to flail his arms. "A boy wearing a dress isn't exactly an everyday occurrence!"

"It's not like I chose to do this!" Naruto snapped from the floor, glaring up at the exasperated brunette. "Jiraiya made me!"

Sighing at the futility of it all, Iruka ran a hand over his face. "Fine," he sighed, choosing to change the topic as soon as possible to get the blond to stop whining like a four year old. "What brings you into town today, Naru?"

Instantly, Naruto brightened, bouncing up from the floor like a super ball. "I'm making Ramen tonight!" he said excitedly, the now full basket of foods bouncing dangerously. "That and picking up supplies for the next few days. Jiraiya's going to a fair and I'm going to be on my own for a while. Just me, the house, and all the time I want."

Iruka frowned. He knew Jiraiya often went to other villages, selling his merchandise at fairs and markets while leaving Naruto home alone. Of course, the blond knew full well how to take care of himself, having done it for years now, but it still made Iruka uneasy.

"Do you want me to come stay with you?" the brunette asked nervously, giving the blond a concerned look. "Help you watch over the house, keep you company. I don't like the idea of you by yourself out there. What if something happens?"

Naruto rolled his eyes at the brunette. "Honestly, Iruka, I'll be fine. Besides, no one could even think about messing with me." Grinning like the idiot he was, he struck what would have been a manly pose had he not been wearing a clinging and extremely feminine womans dress. Iruka, despite his efforts, burst out laughing. Scowling, Naruto opened his mouth, dropping his pose to begin to yell at his surrogate brother when a new voice cut him short.

"Oh yes, you'd have intruders positively quaking in their boots in that get up."

Scowling still, Naruto spun to face the speaker, his voice dying in his throat as his eyes landed on a familiar figure. Scowl deepening, Naruto leaned back, taking a nonchalant pose as he faced the new arrival. "What do you want Hyuuga?"

Neji Hyuuga, one of the most sought after men in the village, if not _the_ most sought after, stood proudly just inside the door way, smirking as his eyes traveled appreciatively over Naruto's form. The pale eyes raking over his skin made Naruto want to squirm uncomfortably as he resisted the urge to cover himself. Neji was tall, his beautiful long dark brown hair sweeping down his back elegantly as he held himself importantly. His pale face shone like marble, features carved and breathtaking. As he stood there, Naruto could almost hear the man's body screaming 'I'm sorry I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.'

"Simply enjoying the view, Naruto," Neji replied to Naruto's earlier query, his pale eyes shining deviously. "Are you really going to be home alone for so long? Unprotected and vulnerable and loney?" Naruto grit his teeth at the patronizing tone. "Tsk, tsk. You know, being the upstanding gentleman I am, I really shouldn't let you go through such misfortune."

Naruto tried to keep himself from breaking his jaw from clenching it so hard. "You're not coming anywhere near me, pervert," he ground out, voice low as it passed through his grinding teeth.

Neji clicked his tongue, striding into the room further, easily approaching the blond as Iruka was shoved against one of the shelves unceremoniously. "Is that really the proper way to treat someone so invested in your well being?" Neji asked, his voice dripping like honey as he backed Naruto against a shelf, the blonds eyes flashing angrily. "Why don't you just give up and relent to me already," Neji coaxed lowly, leaning in to Naruto's furious face, his breath ghosting against tan skin. Skin which had captured Neji's attention the moment the blond and his psychotic grandfather had come to the village. Skin which he had sworn would one day be his.

"Why don't you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself?" Naruto growled out, blue eyes darkening in rage as the Hyuuga invaded his personal space well beyond reason.

"Hyuuga, I really don't think Naruto wants you half attempting to rape him in my library," Iruka said, having picked himself up and placing a firm hand on Neji's shoulder, the pressure making the other frown.

"Who asked you, book boy?" Neji snapped, spinning from his position to face Iruka, his pale eyes narrowed to slits in anger as he shoved Iruka across the room once again, the brunette stumbling and falling into a large bookshelf, causing it to rock, emptying the large volumes on top of the poor man.

"Iruka!" Naruto yelled, immediately moving towards the book buried man only to be slammed back into the book shelf by a strong pale arm. He glowered up at his smirking captor as Neji once again leaned down towards him.

"Stop fighting me, my blond beauty," Neji purred seductively as his eyes slid to half mast, his breath puffing against Naruto's face hotly. "I can give you anything you want. Riches, food, clothes, anything. I'll be all yours and you all mine. Do you have any idea how many women would kill to be you?"

Naruto growled low in his throat, the obviously masculinity of the sound causing the Hyuuga to shiver excitedly. "Then go seduce one of them," Naruto ground out, pressing himself as far as he could into the book case away from Neji.

"You're already wearing a dress," Neji said, a hand moving from it's position beside Naruto's head to glide down the blonds side, making the boy shudder in revulsion. "What else is there for me to want? Though I suppose you without it would be better."

"I'm not a woman!" Naruto spat, leaning his head back as far as he could away from Neji's approaching mouth.

"I know," Neji smirked, watching in delight as he finally closed the distance between them, his lips claiming the blonds forcefully. Finally feeling the contact, he moaned as he felt the soft mouth against his, keeping Naruto's head in place by threading his fingers into soft blond hair and gripping tightly. Naruto gave a noise of protest, his body jerking against Neji as he attempted to jerk away, simply exciting the brunette further as he pressed himself completely against the smaller boy, trapping him against the book shelf.

Unfortunately for Neji, his triumph was to be short lived as Naruto's knee finally managed to rocket upwards straight into the Hyuuga's prized jewels. Pale eyes shooting wide in shock and unimaginable pain, he jerked away from Naruto, hands flying to clutch as his abused nether regions as he all but crumpled to the floor in agony. Fuming, Naruto disgustedly wiped his mouth the with back of his hand, spitting on the floor as his blue eyes blazed at the temporarily incapacitated man before him.

Not bothering to waste time glaring at the agonized man on the floor, Naruto swiftly passed him to the pile of books known as Iruka, quickly throwing the volumes away as he attempted to get to his friend. After a moment, the pile of books moaned and shifted, signifying life. "Iruka!" Naruto yelled, worriedly, doubling his efforts to dig out the man.

"Naruto, don't yell! I'm right here!" Iruka snapped angrily, pushing himself from the mound of books and clutching at his head, books falling off of him as he gave Naruto an annoyed look. Naruto smiled sheepishly before giving him a swift hug.

"Alright, I'm gonna head home," the blond said quickly, scampering across the room to his dropped basket of food and snatching it up. Turning to the slowly recovering Hyuuga he scowled, usually happy face furious. "Next time, I'll make sure you can never have children," he growled, eyes icy as they looked at the Hyuuga.

Neji made no movement aside from growling painfully at the blond as he watched the tan beauty rush from the room, disappearing as the door swung closed with a small tinkling of the bell. It didn't matter what Naruto said, one day he would be Neji's whether he liked it or not.

Not bothering to take his time enjoying the autumn day and scenery, Naruto practically ran back to the small cottage he and Jiraiya shared, make sure all of his purchases remained in the basket as he plunged through the overgrowth. Panting as he finally burst into the clearing, Naruto didn't stop until he had bolted inside and slammed the basket down on the table, pausing for a moment to make sure nothing was damaged before racing upstairs to his room. Jiraiya watched in wonder as his grandson tore through the house, green dress flapping about his long legs as he pounded up the stairs.

"Never again!" Naruto yelled as he charged up the creaky old steps, face flushed from exertion. "Never again am I wearing a dress!"

Jiraiya grinned in amusement as he heard the blond stomp down the hall and a door slam, signifying that Naruto had finally reached his room. Minutes later, a much calmer Naruto, dressed in his usual loose tunic and leather pants came down the stairs, sighing contentedly. Dropping the green dress on the workbench in front of Jiraiya Naruto sighed, running a hand through his wild blond hair.

"You know," Jiraiya said, picking up the garment and checking it for the inevitable rips, tears, and stains. "I wouldn't put you in womans clothing all the time if you didn't look so damn girly."

Naruto practically exploded in anger, spitting like a grease fire as he pointed indignantly at his grandfather. "I do not look girly!" he practically screaming, almost hopping on the spot in rage. "I'm perfectly manly, you old coot!"

Ignoring his grandson, Jiraiya walked from the workbench, disappearing to the usual mess in the supply closet, waving the blond off with a disinterested hand. "Go prove it and chop some lumber then," he said airily, delighting as Naruto let forth a stream of insults and curses before stomping from the cottage, grumbling about perverts and irresponsible adults.

Naruto had barely been outside for twenty minutes before there was a sharp knock on the door, causing Jiraiya to scowl in annoyance as he was interrupted from his work. Knowing that Naruto would be out back chopping the necessary wood, Jiraiya shuffled over to the front door, calling out to the visitor to keep their pants on. Grumbling to himself, the old man opened the door to the handsome and slightly frowning face of one Hyuuga Neji, who stood importantly at the doorstep as if he owned it.

"What do you want?" Jiraiya demanded, not at all enjoying being interrupted from his important work.

"Is Naruto here?" Neji asked, trying not to flinch as he shifted his weight, the memoir the blond had left him shooting with pain for a moment.

Jiraiya frowned at him. "What do you want with the brat?" he asked, eyeing the pale man suspiciously. He knew for a fact Naruto was not exactly unwanted in the village, the blond having inherited his fathers dashingly good looks.

Neji drew himself up to his full height, putting on a charming smile for the old coot before him. "I got in a slight argument with him and I'd like to apologize. We both did and said things which I believe we both regret."

Jiraiya raised an eyebrow before turning and closing the door in the others face, hollering towards the back of the house. "NARUTO! YOU HAVE A VISITOR BRAT!"

Neji heard a loud series of swears and complaints, a door slamming followed by a series of stomps before the door before him was once again wrenched open, revealing the blond beauty who had so unceremoniously attempted to castrate him earlier. "Hello again, Naruto," he said, smiling pleasantly as he put as much sugar into his voice as possible without vomiting.

Naruto's eyes widened for a moment, mouth open as he looked up at Neji before he let out a furious yell, slamming the door in the brunettes face, practically shaking the hinges.

"Naruto!" Neji yelled, beginning to lose his patience as he began to knock at the door insistently.

"Go away, pervert!" Naruto yelled from somewhere in the house, followed by the loud guffaw from his grandfather.

Neji scowled darkly, now pounding on the door. "You can't keep saying no forever!" he yelled, his temper flaring as he was denied his desires.

The door suddenly was wrenched open again, revealing a completely irate Naruto, eyes blazing as he looked back at Neji. Neji, for his part, was temporarily shocked. Anger looked extremely good on Naruto, his blond hair wild around his wild face, eyes alive and blazing as his skin practically radiated, a portion of a smooth chest visible through the collar of the white tunic. Naruto was holding a large bucket, the edges of his sleeves damp and clinging to his thin and elegant wrists, making Neji's mouth water.

"Watch me," Naruto growled, bringing Neji sharply back to reality just as the blond hurled the icy cold water at the proud boy, thoroughly drenching and shocking him as Naruto smirked, slamming the door once again in the now sopping boys face.

* * *

A/N: I'm honestly having way too much fun writing this. I kept writing out the chapter outlines in classes today before I got another one which gives it even more fun. Just a note, I do not in anyway dislike Neji, in fact I enjoy him quite a lot. I don't mean to offend anyone by this, I just needed a villain and Neji fit. Also, for those wondering, the story will be much like the disney movie but with my own twists and adaptations. No, I wont be putting in the song and dance numbers (mainly because I'd have to simultaneously piss myself in laughter and stab myself for it). PLEASE REVIEW!


	3. This is Private Property

**Title:** Beauty and the Bastard. 3/10

**Author:** drainbamage954

**Rating:** PG-13/eventual NC-17

**Genre:** Fantasy, Romance, Humor

**Wordcount:** 3,990

**Warnings:** YAOI (men doing naughty things to each other). Lots of profanity.

**Summary: **"From now until the last petal falls, Uchiha Sasuke, you will be cursed, yourself, your castle, and all those you employ shall be disguised. If you have not managed to have someone fall in love with you and you, in turn, fall for them, you will perish!"

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Nor do I own the original story of Beauty and the Beast. I make no profit from this except my own twisted joy at writing this twisted thing.

* * *

3. This is Private Property

Sasuke hated life.

Of course, Sasuke usually hated life. It had been a basic characteristic of his since he had learned how to talk, skulking about the castle as his parents and older brother had drilled etiquette and proper decorum into him. Thus, while he had been carefree for a few years, the innocent little bubbly child, he had quickly changed into the brooding teenager and young man who prowled the castle and struck morbidity and woe in anyone he looked at. Unless they were fangirls, who seemed immune to his looks of death and depression. When his parents had passed away in an accident, his brother returning just long enough to tell Sasuke the news before disappearing, he had become the epitome of angst. Kakashi had loved to tease him, calling him emo-boy. But being sullen and unhappy had always worked for Sasuke. He just had the trait of seeming to despise life.

Except now, Sasuke _actually_ hated life. How could he not? He was a giant black beast stuck in his once pristine castle now overgrown with weeds and run by people turned into objects. And his face, his beautiful, perfect, face had been covered in fur. Yes, Sasuke hated life.

It seemed like the gods (or demons) seemed to be delighting in his misery as it was currently pouring rain, probably the storm of the century raging outside. Lightning laced the sky, illuminating the North tower for a moment before it was once again cast in gloom. Sasuke was hunched, his dark fur keeping him warm, on his now shredded bed.

It had been a nice bed. Extremely large (he could spread out completely and not touch the sides), soft and comfortable it had been one of Sasuke's favorite places, coming second only to the library and ball room. The sheets had been silk, perfectly white and soft, caressing his equally soft skin as he slept. The duvet had been a deep royal blue, matching the hangings elegantly, providing a sense of deep relaxation and thought every time Sasuke had sat or lain there. Now, it resembled nothing of its old glamour, blankets and duvet shredded and mattress ripped. There were a lot of feathers littering the space from where Sasuke had ripped up his pillows.

He had attacked his bed the second day of being a monster. Now, six months later, and he had nothing left to destroy. Technically, he could still unleash his fury on every other portion of the castle, but it wouldn't matter. None of the other places were so unavoidably him, obvious reminders of what he had used to be than what had been in the North tower. And now it was destroyed. And Sasuke had nothing left from his old self, the only thing remaining being his now beast form, slumped on an old love seat by the large windows, looking mournfully out into the storm.

Oh yes, Sasuke hated life right now.

"Honestly, I've never seen someone so adept at moping," Kakashi the turned candelabra said, making his way past the shattered furniture towards his master. Sasuke grunted at him, dark eyes never leaving the glass of the large window as rain lashed against it.

"I'm screwed, Kakashi," Sasuke said flatly, his voice growling and unhappy. He hated his new voice.

"Because you're a great big beastie or because you're once again lapsing into suicidal tendencies?" Kakashi asked for clarification, face bland as he looked at the outline of the black monster, occasionally illuminated by flashes of lightning.

"Because I'm never going to be able to break this curse," Sasuke ground out, scowling slightly as he spoke, watching as a particularly impressive bolt of lightning lashed out.

Kakashi couldn't really argue much here. Since Sasuke had been turned into the giant beast before him, the Prince and entire castle had begun to try to find and contact all of his old friends and suitors (hell, the boy had more fangirls than God did nuns). Those willing had come to the castle to meet with the raven. However, it had become a sort of pattern. If they weren't at first deterred by the now grim appearance of the castle, as soon as they entered the castle to be greeted by a giant hairy black beast the majority of them had fled, the best of them screaming in terror and the worst literally pissing themselves. A few of the girls had actually fainted. One of them had gone berserk, actually attempting to attack Sasuke, screaming at him for apparently eating the prince. They had managed to get her out of the castle before she hurt herself.

After a month or so, people stopped coming. This was probably for the better seeing as every time a person reacted badly or reacted negatively to Sasuke he had either gotten angry, depressed, or a combo. Overall, their efforts had done nothing to help the situation. The only thing it had done was prove to Sasuke that all of the people he formally called 'friends' and privately referred to as 'leeches' were just as vain and self centered as possible.

Their last resort, a noblewoman named Sakura, who Sasuke practically detested due to her obsessive tendencies towards the raven, had been a complete catastrophe. After calling her to the castle, Sakura had not only freaked at the state of the castle, but, upon seeing Sasuke, accused him of eating himself. Sasuke had tried to convince her, telling her he was himself and had been transformed. Kakashi had supported him, gaining another bout of screams from Sakura, before the pink haired girl was finally persuaded. Unfortunately for Sakura, beauty only ran skin deep, and upon hearing that Sasuke was now a great black beast and no longer her handsome prince, she was immediately repulsed by him. The once sweet spoken and charming girl had turned incredibly nasty, spurning Sasuke horribly and leaving the castle in a huff. Sasuke had been, needless to say, extremely disappointed.

However, if there was a bright side, it was that Sasuke had begun to see what it was like to be despised, to feel the pain of being alone, unwanted, and ignored. For once, he was not the pampered one, being waited on hand and food by cooing women and nobles. For the first time, Sasuke was experiencing rejection. Too bad he was terrible at dealing with it.

Kakashi glanced at the lotus, currently suspended above a small table, the only intact piece of furniture in the entire tower. The beautiful flower was just as pure, white, and innocent, almost glowing softly in the dim light, protected by a large glass cover. It had only been six months and already three of the petals had fallen, lying perfectly on the tables surface, a reminder of Sasuke's slowly ending existence here.

"Must you be so pessimistic?" Kakashi asked, sighing as he tore his eyes from the flower, giving Sasuke a worn look.

Sasuke grunted again, finally tearing his eyes from the rain lashed window to glower at Kakashi. "I've been turned into a giant beast and you expect me to be optimistic?" he asked, deadpanning. "And, to top it off, I have to get someone to fall in love with me. Name the last time I was willingly nice to someone." Kakashi had to admit, the boy had a point.

"Look at it this way," Kakashi tried, hoping that Sasuke wouldn't let himself begin to wallow. He was impossible when he wallowed. "You still have time. Maybe someone unexpected will show up and be the one."

Sasuke snorted. "Or maybe I'll be stuck here until that stupid flower dies, me with it."

Kakashi sighed, knowing he was fighting a losing battle. Giving the boy up for loss, he turned, exiting the glooming tower to return to the main part of the castle. Maybe he could bother Yamato some more. Yamato had been the events coordinator, making sure Sasuke threw balls and feasts, keeping his reputation among the nobles. However, when the castle had been cursed, the once handsome man had been turned into an old clock, like the kind you see set on a mantelpiece. Kakashi thought it suited him. Yamato thought Kakashi could go to hell.

Smiling to himself as he recalled a rather amusing incident involving one of Yamato's many cogs and springs, he was jerked from his musings as he heard someone knock softly on the large oak doors. Freezing and staring wide eyed at the large doors, Kakashi waited, wondering if it had been his imagination. Another series of knocks sounded and Kakashi, now positive he wasn't hallucinating, hurried to one of the long tables lining the entrance hall, jumping onto it and freezing just in time. A moment later the large doors creaked open, an older man with long sopping wet white hair poking his head inside.

"Hello?" Jiraiya called out slightly tentatively, eyes flashing about swiftly before he brought himself fully inside. "Anyone home?" Not exactly waiting for a response, the old man removed his drenched cloak, dropping it on the hatstand (Kakashi was sure Shino didn't appreciate being used as such) before he strode into the hall, dripping water everywhere. With a loud squealshing sound, he dropped a large bag onto the smooth floor. "Care to purchase some wares?" Jiraiya called, voice now louder as he looked about curiously.

When met with no response, Jiraiya shrugged, kicking the bag to the side as he walked carelessly into the castle, muttering about poor hosts and stingy bastards. Curious, Kakashi quietly hopped down from his post, following the wandering old man from room to room. They seemed to go everywhere, from the large banquet hall to the ball room to the kitchens (he particularly liked it here) before finally settling in the parlor. Grinning, Jiraiya made his way over to the large fire place, currently hosting a friendly and warm fire. Not waiting for permission (not that it was going to be given), the old man let himself collapse into a large plush couch, groaning in pleasure at the heat from the fire and safety from the cold.

"You know, it's often polite to ask before entering into another's house," Kakashi said, jumping up onto the table beside the couch and giving the old man a pointed look.

The expected reaction didn't disappoint the candelabra man as the old man jerked up, eyes flashing around the room frantically to find the speaker before focusing on Kakashi. He narrowed his eyes, old face frowning as he looked at the candelabra, leaning forward slightly as if trying to make sure he wasn't imagining things.

"You just talked," Jiraiya said, eyes still squinted as Kakashi rolled his eyes.

"Who else?" Kakashi asked, gesturing around the room.

Jiraiya, seeming to get over the fact that he was holding a conversation with a candelabra, grunted, flopping back down onto the couch. "Wanted to make sure I wasn't sitting on someone," he stated, stretching out on the piece of furniture like a cat. "Besides, I called when I opened the door. Your own fault for not answering."

"I don't own this place," Kakashi said simply, watching the man with interest. Of all the people he had met since he had been turned into a candlestick, this was the first time they hadn't freaked out. He had possibly the shortest and mildest reaction of anyone as of yet. Then again, he hadn't met Sasuke yet.

"Oh?" Jiraiya said, smirking slightly as he looked at Kakashi. "Then who does?"

"I do," a deep snarling voice said from behind him, causing Jiraiya's eyes to widen impossibly as he whipped around to face the new speaker. There, barely illuminated in the glow of the firelight, was the largest more terrifying creature the old man had yet seen. The beast was taller than any man, towering menacingly, covered in thick black fur. It's eyes burned dark black above a snarling mouth, fangs bared. Two curled horns sprouted from the sides of the monsters head. It didn't look at all pleased to see its guest.

With a yell, Jiraiya fell to the floor, arms flying up before himself in protection as he scrambled away from the irate being. He'd seen his fair share of strange and terrifying things in his life, the primary one being Naruto, following that being the hags he met daily in travels, the occasional wizard, and that one talking frog. But nothing would have prepared him for seeing the giant spectral beast he had thought only existed in fairy tales before him, glaring down at him like death incarnate.

"What are you doing in my house, old man," Sasuke growled out, climbing over the back of the couch towards Jiraiya as the man scrambled across the floor. Sasuke was furious. Not only was he treated like a terrifying beast (which technically he was), but his home was now being broken into. By poor old men none the less. "Answer me!"

Jiraiya, wondering how long he had until the beast decided to get a first hand view of his internal organs, shakily pushed himself to his feet, bowing to the black demon before him respectfully. "I apologize," he said, voice wavering slightly and half expecting to feel claws sink into the skin of his neck. "I called when I arrived but no one answered. I meant no disrespect."

Sasuke snarled, lip curling up to show sharp teeth as he swept around the old man, watching in distaste as he shuddered and clenched his fists. "Don't lie to me," Sasuke spat, black eyes blazing in anger. "You've been sent here to kill me, haven't you." It wasn't unlikely. Nor the first time that there had been someone sent to kill him, both when he had been a human and after being turned into a monster. All of the assassins had been disposed of properly in what Sasuke referred to as 'a proper fashion' and Kakashi called 'murder with niceties.'

Jiraiya's eyes went wide with shock, staring at the enraged being before him. After stammering incoherently (something which greatly annoyed Sasuke), he finally managed to find his voice. "No, great sir," he rasped out. The damn monster was in a freakin' castle. To not call it sir would be like addressing the Queen of France as 'woah, bitch.' Not a smart move. "I am but a simple peddler, tired and cold from my travels and seeking solace. I meant no harm." Mentally, Jiraiya was patting himself on the back. At least he knew how to sound respectful when the time came for it.

Sasuke's eyes flashed. "Meant no harm?" he ground out, taking a step towards the withering man, feeling anger race through his veins. "You're trespassing on private property!" he practically yelled, fur standing on end. Probably the only thing Sasuke could appreciate from his new form was the fact that he could get his hair to stand on end, making him look twice his normal size. Talk about impressive.

"I meant nothing by it, great demon!" Jiraiya protested.

This was the wrong thing to say and Jiraiya realized it the moment it left his mouth. The beast before him froze, eyes wide before narrowing to slits, anger rolling off of him in waves.

"Demon?" Sasuke repeated lowly, practically shaking in anger. "You think me a demon, old man?" Jiraiya didn't move, simply observed Sasuke in what could be described as 'pants-wetting fear.' Bellowing angrily, Sasuke threw out an arm, catching the nice couch and sending it flying across the room to smash into a wall. "You think me a demon, old man!" he roared, grabbing the old man by the front of his shirt and bringing his face so close he could feel the terrified rapid breathing from the other. Jiraiya simply looked at him with terrified eyes.

"You're not?" the old man managed, his voice high as fear gripped his throat.

Sasuke snapped, snarling loudly as he whipped around, one hand still gripped firmly in the old mans shirt, dragging him along the ground after him as he stormed through the castle. Behind him, he hear Kakashi yelling something before his butlers voice faded, replaced by the pleads of the old man.

"Please!" Jiraiya whimpered, tugging at the hand dragging him across the floor. "I'm sorry! Don't do this!" His words fell on deaf ears as he was dragged up and down corridors, bumped down staircases and through doors. "Let me go! You can't kill me!"

"Why not?" Sasuke demanded, his voice loud and roaring, angling to glare over his shoulder at the man.

Jiraiya seemed to pause for a moment in shock at finally being responded to. "I have to return to care for my grandson!" he gasped out, eyes pleading. "If you lock me away, he'll die! You can't be this cruel." Of course, Jiraiya knew he was lying through his teeth to save his own skin. Naruto was perfectly capable of getting along on his own, had demonstrated it multiple times. Usually the only thing Jiraiya did was tell the blond to occasionally take a bath, as it was typically the blond taking care of the old man.

"Life is cruel!" Sasuke yelled, stopping to spin around and snarl in his captives face. He had lost everything from his life, all the things which were important to him. His family at a young age, his brother disappearing without word, his happiness soon following. He had never known true love, those surrounding him only painted faces and painted emotions. And now, he had lost the last thing he had, his name, honor, and humanity. Oh yes, Sasuke hated life for being so cruel to him.

Jiraiya froze, staring at the beast as it continued to drag him along the floor, brooding and furious. He was going to die and there was nothing else for it. He was going to die and he hadn't even been able to tell Naruto he really cared. He was going to die and this damn beast didn't give a damn. Life's a bitch.

Sasuke flung the old man into a cell, having dragged him down a long damp flight of stairs into the castle dungeon. The place had never been Sasuke's favorite spot, always so damp and musty, reminding him of pond water. Snarling, he slammed the door to the cell shut and leaned down, hot breath fanning against the old man's face as his eyes blazed.

"Tell you what, old man," Sasuke growled. "You say you have something to live for? Well, how about this. You keep your life until that brat you say needs you comes to find you. You have two weeks. If no one shows up, you're mince meat. Let's see if the world isn't as cruel as I think."

With that, Sasuke rose, anger pouring through him as he stormed from the dungeons, leaving Jiraiya weakly propped against the cold stone.

Naruto was a completely self sufficient boy, able to take care of himself and Jiraiya together. He could easily get a job (if not simply model those dresses for pay), provide for himself, and forget all about Jiraiya, writing him off for being eaten by wolves. But that wasn't like Naruto. Naruto believed in relationships, bonds he called them, and he usually made sure to do everything in his power to keep those close to him just that, close to him.

Yes, Naruto would most definitely come looking for him in a few days, worried by Jiraiya's extended absence. Yes, Naruto would care enough to try to rescue him, packing for a trip and locking up the cottage. Yes, Naruto would be able to prove to the beast that the world was not always cruel, that there was light, happiness, and kindness.

The only problem was that Naruto, though gifted with compassion, energy, and determination, was not exactly as gifted in intelligence. Knowing the blond, he would get more lost and confused, putting himself into danger rather than succeed in saving Jiraiya. The problem wasn't Naruto's dedication and heart, the problem was Naruto being an idiot.

Groaning, Jiraiya wrapped in on himself, trying to gather warmth in the freezing dungeons. This was going to be a long two weeks.

* * *

Many floors, winding passage ways, and staircases above, Sasuke sat once again on the torn bed, eyes mournfully gazing at the lotus in the center of the room, shining faintly in the darkness. It had been four days since he had locked the old man in the dungeons and so far no one else had shown up at his castle. Sasuke wasn't disappointed. No, he hadn't been expecting that the boy the old man had mentioned to actually come. Of course he didn't believe that maybe, just maybe, the world would try to prove that even miracles were possible, therefore giving him hope in his situation. Sasuke hadn't been rolling those thoughts over in his head for the past four days at all. What kind of beast would he be if he allowed himself to think such things?

"You could just decide to take that stick out of your ass and let the old coot go," Kakashi suggested from the door way where he and Yamato were watching.

Sasuke glanced over at them, scowling as usual at his two companions. "And what, have him kill me?"

Yamato huffed angrily, striding into the room to poke at Sasuke's hairy foreleg. "He's sick, you sadist," he snapped, glaring up at the large form of his master. "How would he kill you? Coughing at you to death?"

Sasuke glowered, growling slightly, feeling the sound reverberate through his body as Yamato sighed, stomping back to Kakashi who was giving Sasuke a pointed look.

"Let him go," Kakashi said flatly, eyes stern as he looked at Sasuke. Sasuke glared angrily. "Let him go," Kakashi repeated with slightly more force.

Sasuke growled, his fur beginning to stand on end. "You are not one to order me around, Kakashi," he snarled out, eyes flashing. "He is my prisoner and I shall do with him what I wish!"

Kakashi suddenly sniggered, coughing to hide it as he turned from Sasuke and Yamato who were both giving him looks. "Sorry," he said, waving a candle-hand. "Just sounded dirty."

It took a moment for the words to process in both Yamato's and Sasuke's minds before both of them began yelling at him. Candelabra or not, Kakashi was still a pervert. Probably one of the reasons he and the old man in the dungeons seemed to get along so well.

He just hoped that the boy Jiraiya had mentioned would show up soon. If not for Jiraiya's sake, then for the seven lotus petals lying on the table. They needed at least one miracle, why not two?

* * *

A/N: Sorry it's so much shorter than the previous but frankly, I couldn't really put too much in here. It's kinda the set up chapter for the next one, which will be much more interesting (and longer). For those wondering, Itachi won't be a huge role here like he is in MIA. He is alive though, he just won't be Mr. Front-and-Center. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! *will be updating soon*


	4. It's Impolite to Stare

**Title:** Beauty and the Bastard. 4/10

**Author:** drainbamage954

**Rating:** PG-13/eventual NC-17

**Genre:** Fantasy, Romance, Humor

**Wordcount: **4,897

**Warnings:** YAOI (men doing naughty things to each other). Lots of profanity.

**Summary: **"From now until the last petal falls, Uchiha Sasuke, you will be cursed, yourself, your castle, and all those you employ shall be disguised. If you have not managed to have someone fall in love with you and you, in turn, fall for them, you will perish!"

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Nor do I own the original story of Beauty and the Beast. I make no profit from this except my own twisted joy at writing this twisted thing.

A big thanks to my BETA delusivelight19! I luuurvs her so much for all her help!

* * *

4. It's Impolite To Stare.

Naruto sat at the scrub wooden table, fingers twining over and over again as he stared at the window, watching the late autumn light. Naruto was usually never one to sit still, the practice something that was almost physically impossible for the blond, only made possible when he was unconscious. And then he just twitched. Therefore, as he was sitting at the table, he had to do something with himself to satisfy the strange bodily necessity to constantly be active, hence the finger twining.

Naruto wasn't usually one to worry about things, normally one to simply blast through life without caring what others thought and without thinking of the consequences of his actions. But it had been six days. Six days since Jiraiya had left for the town half a days trip away to sell the dresses he had made Naruto put on. Six days ago Naruto had expecting to see the old pervert in a few days time, strolling in to bark at him to make him dinner, flopping down on the couch and getting mud everywhere. But he hadn't, and Naruto had been waiting every day for the other to return. The first day or two he hadn't really bothered to worry, instead writing it off as Jiraiya most likely spending some free time on himself (or women). But after the fourth day Naruto began to get concerned.

Jiraiya may not have been the best guardian for Naruto, corrupting the boys mind at a young age and leaving the blond to fend for himself for extended periods of time. Naruto was more like a parent that Jiraiya mostly, cooking and cleaning while the elder worked on his many jobs. But the old man had cared for Naruto, taking the orphaned boy in when his parents had passed away and been someone for Naruto to depend on. He was Naruto's family and nothing could change that.

It had been six days and Naruto was at his limit. He had the unspoken rule that, regardless of the situation, after six days he would usually go and look for Jiraiya, fully prepared to drag the old mans drunken ass home from whatever bar he was in. It was a stupid and unnecessary job but someone had to do it.

Frowning at his hands, Naruto looked over at the small pile of items piled at the edge of the table. He had packed for his trip to find Jiraiya, having gone into the village to get supplies two days ago. Neji had once again cornered him, attempting to convince the blond to succumb to him. Naruto vaguely wondered if Neji had a permanent stake out point in the village. Or strange Naruto-senses alerting him whenever the blond was in range. He had a loaf of bread, a blanket to sleep with, a flask of water, dried meat and fruit, and a few bandages in case of injury.

Sighing, Naruto pushed himself to his feet, his chair scooting backwards as he moved. Staring determinatedly, he swiftly packed the items in a travel pack, grabbing a warm jacket from beside the door before leaving the cottage, making sure to lock the door behind himself. As per usual, he slipped the small iron key by the windowsill, the typical hiding spot he and Jiraiya used. Looking out into the cool autumn air, tinged with the hint of winter, Naruto set off down the shadowed road towards town. About half a mile from his own village, he stopped at the crossroads, turning down the one he had remembered Jiraiya taking and walking with purpose towards his destination.

He had been walking for a good two hours before coming across another crossroads, this one much less familiar and confusing, seeing as the signpost was all scratched and mangled, barely showing where he wanted to go. Staring at it in annoyance, Naruto sighed and walked down what he assumed was the correct path, a densely shadowed road, slightly overgrown with weeds.

It was getting cold, the wind picking up as Naruto walked, hugging himself slightly to keep out the swiftly approaching winter weather. He half wished he had stayed at the cottage and left the old geezer for dead. He could easily get a job with Iruka at the library. Or maybe not, considering he was so loud. Maybe the pub. Or maybe not, considering all of the leers he would probably get. He could always open a ramen stand.

Naruto's lovely train of thought concerning all of his future occupations was stopped abruptly as his foot slipped, causing him to tumble into a gully. Groaning and cursing, he picked himself up only to freeze. There, lying in the blown leaves and damp earth was what was unmistakably one of Jiraiya's creations, a small child's frock. Frowning, Naruto picked it up, stuffing it into his pack as he clambered back onto the road, picking up his pace. Something was wrong. Jiraiya never lost his stuff unless something was really keeping him distracted and even then it was a rare thing. It also meant that the old man had been down this road, signifying Naruto was on the right track.

It was getting dark, unhappy winterish clouds rolling overhead, visible through the dense branches above the road as a harsh wind blew along the ground. Naruto wasn't afraid of many things and didn't believe in things like ghosts, demons, or monsters, leaving that to the superstitious. Otherwise, if he did, he might have seen the current weather and conditions to be some sort of sign. An ominous signal to turn back while he still could. As it was, he merely found it an inconvenience, making his trip less favorable, especially as it began to rain icy droplets against him.

The rain turned the road to mud, making the going extremely difficult, slipping and sliding over the terrain. It wasn't before long that Naruto was completely soaked, the icy water chilling him to the bone. Not that he let it bother him, simply determining him to find Jiraiya and yell at him for putting him through this all the more. That is, until he slipped on a particularly steep portion of the road. Letting out a startled yell, eyes wide, Naruto tumbled down the side of a hill the road had wound against, getting covered in mud, leaves, and grime as he crashed through branches and over rocks.

It damn well hurt. Groaning, face down in the muck, Naruto pushed himself up unhappily, hands squealshing in the mud as he got to his feet. He was on a sort of separate road, disconnected from the one he had previously been traveling. It was in the open, the rain lashing down angrily as the blond got to his feet, trying to scrape as much mud off of himself as possible. Grumbling unhappily, Naruto looked around, trying to figure out where to go before spotting something and the end of the road which made him pause. Previously concealed in the dense forestry was what looked like the rising iron gates, behind which stood an enormous castle. There was a low roll of thunder, lightning ripping the sky and briefly illuminating the large building.

Again, had Naruto been a superstitious person, or a person with any common sense at all, he would have turned tail and run from the foreboding scene before him, obviously the location of unfortunate events.

Ignoring the dark sky, pelting rain, and angrily flashing lightning, casting the world into sharp relief of twisted metal and unforgiving stone, Naruto walked straight up to the castle, climbing through the gate and easily making his way up to the large oak doors. The wind screamed around him, the lightning ripped at the sky, and the rain pounded against him as Naruto, smiling his best smile, pounded loudly on the door. The sound echoed through the castle as Naruto continuously banged his tan fist against the hard door with enough force to knock down a building.

"Oi!" the blond hollered over the wind and rain. "Let me in! It's a freakin' hurricane out here! Help a friend out!"

The door remained shut as Naruto waited for a response, pausing just long enough to wait for the door to open before once again assaulting it with his fist, it's partner joining in the fun as Naruto pounded on the door.

"Open up!" the blond yelled, feeling annoyed and ignored. "What kind of person doesn't open their door! Show some humanity!"

As if on cue the door suddenly swung open causing Naruto, who had practically been leaning on the door as he pounded away, to tumble unceremoniously into the large dim entrance hall. Gasping in surprise, he quickly picked himself up, looking around the large room, trying to find whoever had let him in. However, the only things present were a candelabra and an old clock on one of the large tables lining the space.

"Hello!" Naruto yelled after a moment, his voice reverberating on the walls, echoing faintly into the depths of the building. "The hell," he grumbled under his breath, leaning down to brush himself off before he froze. Lying to the side under a shadowed painting was, unmistakably, Jiraiya's travel pack, still full of the dresses Naruto knew so well.

Straightening up and looking around frantically, Naruto began to walk into the castle. "Jiraiya!" he yelled, hoping the older man would answer him, maybe magically pop up from the floor if he was extra lucky. Grabbing the candelabra on the table for light, he let his feet lead him as he wandered up and down passage ways, staircases, corridors, peaking into rooms as he passed, every time finding nothing. A few times he could have sworn he had heard people whispering to each other, spinning around to stare down the corridor he had just walked, trying to find someone there. But there never was.

After traversing pretty much everywhere on the first floor (paying special attention to the kitchen), Naruto had finally come to a door which managed to send chills down his spine. Unlike the rest of the castle which, although creepy, wasn't all that bad when you gave it a chance, this door looked like the gateway to hell. the wood was old and stained, the crude iron workings on it looking like torture devices. There was only one place this place could lead to. Wrenching open the heavy door, Naruto recoiled as a blast of icy air, dank and stale, puffed up against his face, making him shudder.

"Welcome to the dungeons," muttered Naruto to himself as he began the walk down the grimy stairs, trying not to think of decapitated skeletons and vile rats. If there was one thing Naruto disliked it was rats, the nasty little creatures carrying dangerous diseases and getting into the grain stores. Scrunching up his nose slightly, he began his descent into the bowels of the castle, the light from the candelabra casting spidery shadows against the wall. He could see his breath ghosting before him as the air dropped rapidly in temperature.

Halfway down the stairs, Naruto paused, a hand touching the icy walls as he tried to see to the bottom. "Jiraiya?" he called out tentatively, not really expecting a response. He nearly leapt out of his skin when he heard someone cough, the sound like a foghorn in the silence. There was a loud moan and the next thing Naruto knew he was leaping down the stairs, the candles light flickering dangerously as he finally came to rest at the foot of the stairs, the dungeons spanning out before him.

Suddenly realizing that leaping down a staircase after a cough and loud moan might not have been the smartest decision he had made, Naruto shifted uncomfortably. "Jiraiya?" he called again, slightly softer as his eyes skittered among cells. They were mostly empty, though one or two had a skeleton chained there. Naruto hoped it was for dramatic effect.

"Naruto?" a wheezy and tired voice said from his right, making Naruto spin around the candle light bathing the cell in light.

"Pervert!" Naruto yelled, dropping to his knees and scrambling towards the man in the cell, clutching onto the bars as he looked at his grandfather.

Jiraiya was lying, curled, on the floor of the cell, his face dirty and tired. He looked like he hadn't eaten in days, his face drawn with hunger and eyes deadened. Around him was wrapped his cloak and a blanket, doing nothing to halt the shivers that wracked his body. Seeing Naruto, he suddenly hurried to drag himself to the bars of his cell, a hand reaching out to touch Natuto in surprise before the flash of the old Jiraiya passed over his face.

"You idiot!" Jiraiya accosted, giving Naruto a firm slap to the head as the blond widened his eyes in surprise.

"Wha-" Naruto said, completely shocked at the old mans reaction to him.

"What are you doing here, brat!" Jiraiya said, eyes flickering to the staircase fearfully before returning to Naruto. "Get out of here."

Naruto frowned, giving the old man a shove. "I was trying to find you, you old coot!" he said angrily, not at all happy how his rescue attempt was being treated. "You disappear for six days and expect me not to try to find you? And look at you! Locked in a cell! The hell did you do, Jiraiya?"

Jiraiya swore loudly before lapsing into a fit of coughing, covering his mouth with a curled hand as he practically hacked his lungs up. "You idiot! I didn't think you'd actually find me! You're supposed to be stupid!"

"I'm stupid for trying to rescue you!" Naruto yelled, anger rising in him and making him completely forget he was crouched on a dungeon floor in some strange castle talking to his currently imprisoned grandfather. Temper does that to people. "Oh yeah! So next time you're in mortal peril I'll just sit and watch with a bag of peanuts, huh?"

"It's not me I'm worried about!" Jiraiya spat back, thoroughly annoyed with his completely imbecilic grandson. "You're breaking and entering a castle! You're in a goddamn dungeon! I'm already screwed! Get out before you are too!"

"Like hell I'm running away!" Naruto shouted, jumping to his feet and glaring down at Jiraiya. "Uzumaki Naruto never runs away! Believe-!"

But he didn't finish, trailing off as he saw Jiraiya's face drain of what little color it had as he looked at something behind Naruto. A big something which was puffing hot breath against the back of his neck. A big something which was casting large menacing shadows. A big something which had Naruto practically pissing himself from. He swallowed.

"Jiraiya," Naruto said, voice suddenly small. Jiraiya said nothing, staring at the big something in terror instead. Naruto decided it was a signal to continue. "Do I have a giant man eating monster behind me about to turn me into an appetizer?"

There was movement behind him as Naruto felt the big something move swiftly. Naruto spun around, blue eyes wide as they searched the now empty space, dark and damp walls and floor greeting his searching eyes. He felt his breath begin to quicken, heart rate increasing as he turned back to Jiraiya, only to come face to face with something that was definitely not his grandfather. He felt his body go stiff.

Not two inches from his face was the snarling visage of an enormous black beast, black eyes blazing as they met his blue pools, sleek midnight black fur almost invisible in the dim light. To say Naruto was scared shitless would be a vast understatement. The creature before him was like something out of one of Jiraiya's childhood stories, meant to keep Naruto from getting out of bed in the middle of the night in case there was one of these hiding under his bed. And now it stood right before him.

Naruto swallowed, feeling a beat of sweat slide down the side of his face as he tried not to scream, or do anything at all really besides blink. He could feel the beasts breath fanning against his face, hot and moist against his old skin. "H-hello," he stuttered out, trying to keep himself from wetting his pants as he legs shook.

The beast snorted, black eyes glaring as it towered over Naruto. Internally, Sasuke was surprised. This blond, soaked in rain water and in muck, was the first person so far who hadn't completely freaked upon seeing him, and at such a close range as well. As much as the raven didn't want the blond there, the boy intrigued him. He was the first not to scream and start yelling at him for being a monster.

"Don't you know it's impolite to stare?" Sasuke growled out, his teeth looking awfully sharp to the blond as they moved five inches from his face.

"Sorry," Naruto stumbled out, feeling himself frown and immediately go into his typical mode, despite being on the verge of a nervous collapse. "I'm just not used to seeing so much facial hair."

Jiraiya was looking at his grandson dumbfounded. Naruto was currently staring at the beast which had captured him here and _arguing_ with it, bickering over a simple phrase the monster had said. For once, Jiraiya felt a hug surge of admiration towards his grandson for being able to keep from wetting himself. He just hoped his grandson's impotence didn't get them killed.

Sasuke was, once again, shocked by the blond, not at all expecting the comment the boy threw at him. Scowling and growling deep in his throat, satisfied when the blond paled further and stiffened again. "What business have you here? You're trespassing on private property."

Naruto scowled at this, glaring back at the beast. He basically figured that, if it hadn't eaten him yet or done anything physically malicious yet, it might not at all. Why not try his chances. "And you're keeping a sick man in a dungeon. Which one of us is more of a felon?"

Sasuke couldn't believe this. Why wasn't this idiot cowering in fear. Even when he had been human, dark and impressive and beautiful, people had cowered in fear before him. But no, not this boy. Either he was very brave or very stupid. He narrowed his eyes. "Who are you?"

The blond suddenly grinned determinately, shoving a thumb into his chest, making sure Sasuke knew who he was talking about. "I'm Naruto Uzumaki, this old farts grandson."

So this was the boy the old man had mentioned. To be honest, Sasuke was a bit surprised. He had, admittedly, tried to think up a few images of the boy, but none of them were like the blond currently standing boldly before him. He had expected the boy to, when coming timidly into his castle, find Jiraiya and collapse sobbing to the floor, whereupon Sasuke would find him, scaring the living daylights out of him. Then the boy would beg and cry, pleading for his and his grandfathers life, disgusting Sasuke to the point that he either threw them both out or kill them immediately. But this was different. He hadn't done what Sasuke had expected. And it was throwing Sasuke for a loop.

Jiraiya seemed to be coming back to himself. "Would you shut up, brat?" he hissed to his grandson. "Do you want to be eaten?"

Naruto's bright blue eyes flashed to his grandfather before widening and returning to Sasuke. Scratch the brave part, the boy was just an idiot. His eyes lost their proud sheen as he looked at Sasuke. "You- you're not really going to eat us?" he asked, finally a bit of fear leaking into his voice.

Sasuke tried not to roll his eyes and failed. "You think I'd eat you, dobe? You'd probably taste awful." He smirked in satisfaction when the blond and his grandfather suddenly perked up. "I'm just going to lock you up too."

Jiraiya suddenly looked furious. "What about your previous word?" he shouted angrily. "You said when you locked me in here you'd let me free if he came."

Sasuke growled low in his throat, stepping up to tower over both of them. "I never said that," he ground out, satisfied by the terrified look Jiraiya gave him and the unhappy expression on the blond. "I just said it would prove life wasn't as cruel." He turned to the blond. "Get out," he snapped, wondering what the blond would do.

Naruto looked shocked before turning furious. "WHAT!" he shouted, fists clenched as he glared at Sasuke.

"Get out unless you want to be thrown out," Sasuke said evenly, his voice deadly.

"Set him free!" Naruto demanded, stomping his foot in anger.

"He's my prisoner!" Sasuke shouted.

"He's dying!" Naruto shouted back.

"I don't care!" Sasuke bellowed with such force it caused the blond to actually fall back against the cell, sliding down slightly. Something about the blond got to him. Whether it was his defiance, youth, or the fact that he was something Sasuke so wished he could be again he didn't know. But the blond was able to elicit more of a response from him than he had ever given since Itachi had told him his parents were dead. "Now Get. Out!" Sasuke roared, almost completely losing himself as Jiraiya cowered and Naruto sank completely to the floor, pale and wide eyed.

Sasuke heaved a few breaths, trying to get himself under a semblance of control before he broke down a wall, glaring raging death at the boy before him. Naruto took a moment to collect himself before he swallowed, his eyes suddenly sad. "What if I take his place?" he asked quietly.

Sasuke froze about the same time Jiraiya did. The blond continued to surprise him, exchanging himself for the life of an old sick man.

"Naruto, you moron, what are you saying?" Jiraiya yelled at his grandson as the blond lowered his head, blond hair covering his eyes as he pushed himself to his feet. "Naruto!"

"I'll take his place," Naruto said, voice still soft as he stood before Sasuke. "Let him go and keep me instead."

Sasuke watched him for a moment, considering. The old man was dying, providing more real source of entertainment. Truthfully, Sasuke really wondered why he was keeping him here. Of course, he had done it to see if the boy would actually show up but, now that he was here, there was no point really. It was more out of temper than truth that Sasuke wanted him to stay. But the boy was offering himself in the old mans place. The boy who could anger and elicit emotion in Sasuke that he had never felt before. The boy who Sasuke didn't know at all aside from his blond hair and youthful face.

"Fine," Sasuke snapped, staring at the blond steadily, decision made.

Naruto's head snapped up, blue eyes wide in shock as he looked at Sasuke.

"No!" Jiraiya yelled from the cell as Sasuke pushed Naruto aside, ripping open the cell door (there goes the lock) and grabbing for Jiraiya. "Naruto you moron!" he yelled back at his grandson as the blond watched his grandfather hauled up the dungeon steps. "You stupid, stupid boy!" Jiraiya continued to holler even after Naruto had faded from sight. He turned to Sasuke, glaring as he began to cough, hating the black beast before him. "You heartless beast," he shouted.

Sasuke snarled, whirling to look at the old man. "I made a deal," he growled lowly, teeth bared at the old man. "You keep your live, as does your grandson, yet you dare call me heartless." He growled as he continued to drag the man through the castle before finally stopping at the castle gates. "Get out," he snarled, tossing the old man like a pillow into the hard ground outside the castle. "Don't make your grandsons efforts for naught."

Sasuke left, never turning back as he left Jiraiya sprawled miserably on the ground, mouth open in shock as he watched the beast leave him. Returning to the castle, Sasuke looked around briefly for the boy before descending into the dungeons. Naruto was sitting on the floor, knees drawn to his chest, eyes sad and dead as they looked at the cold ground in front of him. He was still soaked with water and mud, the grime sticking to his skin, clothes, and hair. There was a rather large smear across his nose.

It was then that Sasuke realized he had just taken everything from the boy, ripped it from his hands much like Sasuke's life had been ripped from him. No more family, home, friends, love or warmth. Life was cruel, and he was no better. Sighing slightly, he moved towards the figure. Naruto was motionless, eyes hollow as Sasuke approached.

Bending down to pick up Kakashi, Sasuke turned from him. "Come on," he said, his growling voice for the first time sounding gentle. "I'll take you to your room."

Naruto's head snapped up. "What?"

Sasuke paused and glanced over his shoulder. "Get up."

Naruto, scowling slightly, pushed himself to his feet. "I'm not saying here?"

Sasuke growled, rounding on him. "Do you want to?" he snapped, not at all pleased his rare show of generosity was being refused.

Naruto frowned. "No. I just don't see why you're taking me to a room. I'm your prisoner, right?"

Sasuke grunted. "If you want to stay here, then do so. If not, follow me." Without another word, he turned and began his ascent of the stairs, internally pleased as he heard the boy shift and begin to follow him. They walked in silence through the castle, Kakashi watching Sasuke through slit eyes as the raven led the boy to the Eastern wing, finally stopping by a nicely furnished guest room. Naruto watched him apprehensively as the raven unlocked the door, pushing it open.

Curious, Naruto poked his head into the room, surveying the space. It was obviously unused, the large bed made perfectly with a large dresser by the wall. There was a nice writing desk with a matching chair along with various other furniture and objects. He scrunched up his nose before turning back to Sasuke.

"Everything's pink," Naruto said, looking up at Sasuke with his face scrunched in displeasure.

Sasuke felt the bubble of anger he was sure he would be feeling a lot rise in his stomach as he glared at the blond. "Yes, and?"

Naruto stuck out his tongue, straightening up this full height. "I don't like pink," he stated.

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. "Take the room or go back to the dungeons," he said flatly.

"Do you have an orange room?" Naruto asked, looking slightly hopeful.

Sasuke felt his eye twitch.

"I like orange."

Without much ceremony, Sasuke growled and kicked Naruto into the room, slamming the door behind the blond as he tumbled. "Shut up and appreciate what you're given!" he bellowed at the door, annoyed to the point of pulling out his fur. Stomping back up to the North towers, Sasuke fumed silently, his teeth bared and eyes blazing.

Kakashi, still clenched in Sasuke's hand, looked up at his master in amusement. "I like him," the candelabra said, grinning at the growl he received. "I haven't seen you this worked up since Itachi broke your toy chariot."

"Shut up," snapped Sasuke, purposefully not looking at his butler.

Kakashi shrugged (or shrugged as much as a candelabra can shrug). "Just saying. Not bad looking either."

Sasuke swore loudly as he finally reached his quarters, dropping Kakashi unceremoniously as he began to angrily tear apart his room for the umpteenth time. Kakashi smirked, watching as Sasuke attacked a perfectly unsuspecting pillow. Oh yes, he definitely liked the new boy, especially since he might actually be able to get Sasuke to feel something besides raging apathy. Maybe life wasn't so cruel.

* * *

A/N: I know these chapters are kinda boring. I'M SORRY!! There needs to be a reason for Naruto living with Sasuke in the big scary castle besides randomly appearing there. I swear it will get better soon and all the luuuuuurv stuff will happen. There is really only one more develop chapter (though I get to play there too) before joy happens. Also, can I just say thank you for EVERYONE who has been reviewing and reading this story because, honestly, it's barely been up a week and I've had more comments and views than anything. I love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	5. Yeah, Well, You're Ugly!

**Title:** Beauty and the Bastard. 5/10

**Author:** drainbamage954

**Rating:** PG-13/eventual NC-17

**Genre:** Fantasy, Romance, Humor

**Wordcount:** 7,649

**Warnings:** YAOI (men doing naughty things to each other). Lots of profanity.

**Summary: **"From now until the last petal falls, Uchiha Sasuke, you will be cursed, yourself, your castle, and all those you employ shall be disguised. If you have not managed to have someone fall in love with you and you, in turn, fall for them, you will perish!"

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Nor do I own the original story of Beauty and the Beast. I make no profit from this except my own twisted joy at writing this twisted thing.

* * *

5. Yeah, Well, You're Ugly!

Sasuke had been in the North Tower a grand total of fifteen minutes before he began to feel restless. This was extremely strange because Sasuke was never restless. He and restless just never really knew each other, kinda like the people in high school you knew about but never talked to. You know the other exists, but you don't bother saying hello or sitting down at the lunch table with them. But, suddenly, Sasuke was restless. And he hated it.

Kakashi had been watching Sasuke in the North Tower for a grand total of fifteen minutes and he was incredibly amused. It had been years since Sasuke had shown more emotion besides angst and anger and annoyance (the boy was obsessed with A's). Seeing him so completely emotionally thrown was better than cinema for the butler and he really couldn't help smirking at the raven, currently sprawled on his bed.

"What on earth is goin- Oh." Yamato came storming (ticking?) into the room, all prepared to give a full blown lecture before he stopped, seeing Kakashi and Sasuke already in the room and the place more messed up than usual. He turned to Kakashi. "What'd I miss?"

Sasuke grunted unhappily from the bed, scowling into a pillow which had seen better days. Kakashi turned to his companion, grinning at his masters behavior. "We have a guest," he told Yamato simply, waiting and watching the information sink in.

Yamato's eyes widened as he looked at Kakashi before turning to Sasuke, looking slightly excited. "Really?" Sasuke grunted. Yamato turned back to Kakashi. "What's her name?"

Kakashi could hardly control himself as he looked at Yamato unsuspecting face. "Naruto," he answered, amused as he saw the ball of black fur begin to puff up as Yamato's eyebrows met in confusion.

"Isn't that a boy's name?" Yamato asked, glancing from Kakashi to Sasuke.

Sasuke seemed to be reacting beautifully to the situation. A moment later he threw himself up from the bed, glaring at the two object people. "He was the one who suggested he stay here instead of the old man!" the raven yelled defensively. "I didn't force him to stay!"

Kakashi smirked as Yamato stared dumbly. "You also didn't tell him he could leave," the candelabra pointed out.

Sasuke's already unhappy face fell into a glower. "He's my prisoner!"

"Wait, our guest is a boy?" Yamato asked, finally computing the conversation. Sasuke and Kakashi ignored him.

"Obviously, since you put him in the 'delicates' suite," Kakashi retorted sarcastically to Sasuke, who immediately sputtered.

"Are you saying I should have left him in the dungeons!" Sasuke roared back, finally clambering off the bed to begin pacing back and forth across the dusty floor, his fluffy black tail swinging about in agitation.

"No," Kakashi said calmly. "But you never did tell him he could leave."

"Why would I want him to leave!" Sasuke bellowed, throwing his arms around angrily as he glared at Kakashi.

"I never knew you swung that way Sasuke," Yamato said, eyes shining slightly in surprise. Again, Kakashi and Sasuke both ignored him.

"What, are you saying I should just go downstairs and tell him he can run along?" Sasuke snapped, kicking out at a fallen over table, sending it across the floor.

"No," Kakashi said calmly, thrilled he was playing his cards so perfectly and Sasuke doing exactly what was needed.

"Then what do you want me to do? Actually lock him up in the dungeons!" Sasuke shouted. "Make sure he was my prisoner?"

"No wonder he never liked any of the girls I brought in," Yamato commented to himself. As usual, Kakashi and Sasuke ignored him. Probably for the better, considering if Sasuke had been paying attention to the clock, Yamato would be flying out the tower window by now.

"I'm saying that, considering you just took everything he has left of himself, you might try to be a little nicer," Kakashi said evenly, watching as Sasuke stopped pacing and stared at him while Yamato's eyes bugged from his head.

"You took everything from him!" Yamato gagged out, staring at Sasuke in disbelief. "As in _everything!_ Oh my poor heart!" Sasuke fortunately wasn't listening to the clock's protests and outbursts.

"Are you telling me to go downstairs and apologize or something," Sasuke said, voice even and unhappy as he looked the candelabra.

Kakashi smiled to himself. "I'm saying you might try to be a little more considerate."

Sasuke snorted, letting himself flop back onto the edge of his bed. "I'm a big scary monster," he said. "Big scary monster's aren't supposed to be considerate. We're supposed to be big. And scary."

"So you're just going to keep being big and scary until that flower dies, are you?" Kakashi asked, raising an eyebrow at Sasuke, who had visibly frozen.

"Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" Sasuke asked, head raising to look at Kakashi suspiciously.

Kakashi said nothing, simply turning to Yamato, who was currently wailing about the loss of innocence and youth. "Come on, Yamato," the candelabra said, using a candle-hand to lead the hysterical clock from the room. "We need to tell Chouji to prepare dinner."

Just as he was about to leave, Kakashi paused, looking over his shoulder at Sasuke. "Invite him to dinner," he told the silently glaring raven. "He's probably hungry."

* * *

Naruto was glaring furiously at the now locked door of the disgustingly pink room. Minutes before, Sasuke had, quite rudely, kicked him into the room, causing Naruto to plow headfirst into the nasty pink bed, getting a mouthful of fabric and dust. Since then, Naruto had yelled himself hoarse, kicked at anything within reach, jumped on the bed, thrown pillows, and, rather impressively, trashed the room completely. Now, breathing heavily and glowering, surrounded by feathers, dust, and upturned furniture (fortunately, none of it was broken), Naruto was left staring at the still locked door of the room. He had kicked it, banged against it, run against it, and yelled at it. Nothing seemed to work. The door wouldn't budge.

Giving a furious cry, Naruto fell backwards onto the bed, remaining still for a moment before thrashing about in anger, shouting incoherently. This, practically, did nothing save for make the bed creak unhappily and generate significant amounts of airborne dust, causing the boy to cough profusely. Stilling after a moment, Naruto allowed himself to simply glare at the ceiling, wondering if the force of his glare might be able to set the pink chandelier on fire.

Honestly, it didn't make sense. Logically, Naruto should have been dead. That's what normal monsters did. They captured innocent travelers, played with them to the point of death, then ate them. That's what had happened in all his story books. Of course, Naruto had never believed in them, or any of the other superstitions the villagers held, ignoring the claims of beasts, monsters, and wee ghosties. Well, until today.

But still, the beast shouldn't have locked him in a room. It should have ripped him to shreds, torn out his organs, roasted him on a spit (or was that cannibals?), not locked him in a pretty pink room fit for nobility. None of it made sense to Naruto.

The blond groaned, throwing a hand over his eyes as he rolled to his side. He hadn't thought the beast would have agreed to his proposition, instead locking him up with Jiraiya, or killed them both. Not agreed and thrown Jiraiya, the last person Naruto held dear to him, into the raging almost winter weather and made Naruto his captive.

Suddenly, Naruto sat bolt upright. "He's going to play with me and torture me before eating me, isn't he!" he yelled to the room in general. Moaning and dropping his head into his hands he began to rock back and forth. "Of all the twisted, sadistic, freakish things for the bastard beast to do," he moaned, tugging at his dirty hair in anguish.

"Such drama. Honestly, you're nearly as bad as the women who used to stay here."

Naruto gave an extremely startled yelp, actually launching a good foot from the bed in shock, blue eyes flashing around the room frantically. No one was there. The room was just as he had left it, dismantled and in absolute chaos, pink and dusty and feminine. Frowning, Naruto looked carefully over all of the furniture. He had been sure he had heard a voice. However, unless they were capable of teleportation, the speaker was absent.

"Hello?" Naruto ventured, hoping his voice didn't sound too shaky or scared as his eyes scanned the room. "Am I going crazy here?"

There was a laugh, the sound sending sharp shivers up Naruto's spine as he jerked around, looking for the invisible person. "Of course not, dear."

Naruto was growing extremely frustrated. Throwing a fist into the bed he shouted, "Are you invisible or something! Look, I don't care if you're ugly, this is just creepy!"

The voice laughed again. "Don't be ridiculous. People can't be invisible, that sort of thing only happens in fairy tales."

Naruto narrowed his eyes. He had finally located the source of the voice. It was coming from the large wardrobe, girlishly shaped and decorated standing on the wall near the door, opposite the bed. The doors were closed, but Naruto was certain the voice was coming from the object. Cautiously, he got up, pushing himself from the bed, and approached the wardrobe, eyes narrowed in suspicion. Hesitantly, he reached out a hand and was just about to turn the knob to open one of the heavy doors when the handle, shaped like a fist, suddenly uncurled and slapped his hand away.

"HOLY HELL!" Naruto positively shrieked, jumping backwards in shock and hitting the bed, sending him sprawling and falling over the other side in a heap of limbs and muddy clothing. Breathing heavily, he tried to make sense of his arms and legs, hesitantly raising his head to look over the bed towards the wardrobe.

"Don't you know it's not polite to invade people's personal space?" the voice snapped as the handle-hand of the wardrobe pointed at him patronizingly.

"Holy Hell!" Naruto shouted again, ignoring the oxymoronic statement quality of the phrase as he looked in shock at the wardrobe. "You're a wardrobe!"

"And you're apparently an idiot," the wardrobe said, the hand flashed with attitude. "Never seen a talking wardrobe before?"

Naruto shook his head dumbly. First a giant beast, now a talking wardrobe. Either he was drunk, dreaming, or had finally gone insane.

"Good," the wardrobe said, apparently pleased. "At least I know I'm one of a kind then." The wardrobe seemed very full of itself, the hand flourishing importantly.

Naruto shook his head violently, almost losing his balance as he attempted to clear his head. Maybe he would wake up and this would all have been some sort of bad dream. Maybe he'd eaten some bad foods the previous night, causing him to have extremely strange dreams. He pinched himself as hard as possible. "FUCK!" Well there went that idea.

"Would you stop cowering behind the damn bed," the wardrobe demanded, apparently miffed. "It's not like I'm Sasuke. He's supposed to be the scary one here anyway."

Swallowed, Naruto hesitantly pushed himself from behind the bed, crawling over the repulsively pink bedspread to sit, cross-legged, at the edge of the bed, facing the wardrobe warily. "Who's Sasuke?" he asked, wondering how the wardrobe could talk without a face.

"Are you seriously mentally impaired?" the wardrobe scoffed, leaning forwards slightly as Naruto's eyes widened. The talking wardrobe was now _moving_. "He's the one who brought you here."

Naruto frowned at the wardrobe. "You mean the beast thing?"

The wardrobe sighed exasperated. "Yes, the beast thing," it said superiorly. "Though if he hears you call him that he'd be sure to be mad."

"Why?" Naruto asked, tilting his head to the side slightly. "I mean, that's what he is after all."

The wardrobe seemed slightly insulted. "Well, I shouldn't like being called simply wardrobe as much as you would like to simply be called stupid human," it retorted haughtily.

Naruto raised his eyebrows. "Why shouldn't I call you wardrobe?" he asked. "I mean, you are a wardrobe."

The wardrobe seemed extremely offended, the hands going haywire as it puffed itself up. "The insensitivity!" it positively shrieked. "I happen to have a name!"

"Do you have a face too?" Naruto asked, not able to help himself.

The wardrobe was quite for a moment, apparently fuming, before the carvings at the top began to morph, transforming into the scowling face of a woman. With another yell of "Holy Hell!" Naruto yet again scrambled across the bed.

"Honestly!" the wardrobe yelled in annoyance. "Do that for Sasuke! He's the scary one! Not me!"

"You're a talking wardrobe!" Naruto yelled back. "That's scary to me!"

"I'm a freakin' wardrobe! What's so scary about a wardrobe!"

"You're talking!"

"So are you!"

"I'm a human! I'm supposed to talk!"

"And I'm not?"

"You're a WARDROBE!"

What would have surely continued into an entertaining and completely pointless argument was swiftly interrupted as a loud banging began on the door. Naruto and the wardrobe froze, mouths snapping shut as they both looked at the door. Whoever was on the other side seemed to be either very strong or attempting to break down the offending plank of wood. The handle was rattled a few times before an angry snarl was heard. Naruto was just about to point out the obvious fact that the door was locked when there was a loud crunching sound and the door practically exploded into the room, splinters flying everywhere.

An extremely annoyed looking black beast known as Sasuke was revealed in the settling dust and splinters, standing in the doorway. His eyes widened as he looked about the completely trashed room. The once perfectly set up room was in absolute disarray, the furniture upturned, the bed rumpled, pillows everywhere and feathers littering all surfaces with a layer of dust. Naruto was crouched behind the far side of the bed, blue eyes wide as he peeked over the bed towards the door.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!" Sasuke roared at the blond, feeling that now familiar ball of anger bubble in his stomach at the state of the room. If he were honest with himself, the room was in much better shape than if Sasuke had wrecked it. For the most part, all of the furniture was intact, simply upturned or moved to display mess. But Sasuke was rarely honest with himself, preferring to simply be emotional or angry.

Naruto scowled at him, pushing himself up to stand behind the bed. "It was pink!" the blond yelled, anger flashing through his blue eyes. "You locked me in a PINK room after taking me prisoner and taking the last of my family from me! What did you expect me to do? Collapse onto the bed sobbing?"

"I would have done that," the wardrobe said.

"You're a wardrobe!" Naruto shouted at the furniture, extremely stressed by the speaking object.

"You're an idiot!" the wardrobe shouted back.

"You destroyed the room!" Sasuke shouted, voice louder than both of the others, causing them both to return their attention to the angry beast.

"It was pink!" Naruto shouted back.

"It was one of the nicest rooms!" Sasuke shouted in return.

"I don't like pink!" Naruto was beginning to get slightly red in the face.

"I DON'T CARE!" Sasuke roared. "You're my prisoner and you'll stay where I put you, pink or blue or puce! And you will NOT destroy my property!"

"Am I your too property then?" Naruto snapped, fists clenched. "Since I'm your prisoner, does that mean I'm also your property? Am I not allowed to hurt myself by extension?"

"Are you a fucking masochist?" the wardrobe said in shock.

"No!" Naruto yelled at the talking furniture. "But apparently I'm his property!" He jabbed a finger in Sasuke's direction.

"You are my prisoner," Sasuke growled out, feeling his fur begin to stand on end in anger.

"Yeah, well," Naruto seemed to search for a retort for a moment before pointing at Sasuke animatedly. "You're ugly!"

Naruto realize he had crossed a line the moment the words had left his mouth. Sasuke's form went rigid and the wardrobe froze as a sudden chill fell on the room, making Naruto wish he had kept his mouth shut. The beast seemed to be trying to keep itself from lunging at him and tearing him limb from limb.

"I came here," Sasuke growled out, teeth clenched in anger as he looked at the blond. "To invite you to dinner." Naruto swallowed at the fury in the creatures voice. "And for my generosity," Sasuke's eyes were burning in anger. "I am insulted by an insolent, ungrateful idiot."

Naruto tried to keep still, worried that movement might cause his certain death. "You were going to invite me to dinner?" he asked quietly, trying to keep his voice pleasant and face innocent as he looked at Sasuke.

Sasuke, in turn, roared in anger, spinning on his heel and making to slam the door only to find it missing. Snarling, he turned to see it lying lifeless on the floor, exactly where it had landed when he had broken it down. With another frustrated roar, he whirled around and stomped off down the hall, raging about insufferable morons and faulty carpentry.

Naruto swallowed, chancing a glance toward the wardrobe. "Does that mean he invited me to dinner?" he asked the furniture.

The wardrobe looked back at him. "He didn't say he uninvited you," it pointed out. Naruto nodded. The talking furniture had a point. "Though I'd suggest bathing before the meal," the wardrobe suggested.

Naruto frowned, looking down at himself. He was covered in muck and dirt, his clothes still slightly damp from his walk through the woods. He looked as if he had been dragged along the floor of a lake and then place before a turbine. "Why?" he asked the wardrobe, looking back up at it.

The wardrobe looked at him incredulously. "You look like something Sasuke might throw up," it said, wrinkling it's wooden carved nose at him. Naruto grinned at it, making it sigh. "The bathroom is the large room at the end of the hall on the second floor," it said haughtily, sighing at Naruto's wide grin.

"Thanks," Naruto said, hopping over the bed and making for the now open doorway. Just before he reached it, however, the wardrobe spoke once more.

"Ino," it said.

Naruto paused, looking back at the wardrobe in question.

The wardrobe smiled gently. "My name is Ino," it said, handle-hand pointing to itself. "I used to be the head housekeeper."

Naruto stated at her. "You're a wardrobe," he said once again.

She huffed in annoyance. "Go bathe, you moron," she snapped. "You smell like turned cheese."

Naruto left without another word. Ino secretly smiled to herself. As brash and obnoxious and foolish as the blond was, he was interesting. She had never seen Sasuke so worked up before, and that included the time she had accidentally bleached his navy sheets. Even if he was rude and couldn't get over the fact that she was a talking wardrobe, Ino had to admit there was something she liked about the blond.

* * *

A lot of bath water, soap, and water later, Naruto was sighing contentedly as he waltzed back into the sickeningly pink room. Scrunching his nose slightly at the color of the room (as well as the state), he flopped back down onto the pink bed. He had left his dirty clothes in the bathroom, simply opting to wear one of the wonderfully fluffy towels around his waist instead. He had tried to wash the clothes but, really, in their current state, any more scrubbing and he wouldn't be able to wear them any more.

"Enjoy your bath?" Ino asked him from by the wall.

Naruto sighed and looked over at her. While in the bath, he had been able to mull a few things over. After being greeted by the taking suit of armor at the end of the hall, the talking towel rack, and seen a barking footstool, Naruto had begun to accept the fact that this was indeed, a sort of magical castle. And really, after a barking footstool, a talking wardrobe wasn't that weird. "I did, thank you," he replied, smiling as he ran a hand through his clean damp hair.

"Where are your clothes?" Ino asked, noticing the blonds state of undress and trying not to betray her reaction in her voice. She had the perfect view of the boy seeing as she was position at the top of a wardrobe. Birds eye view of a laid out body resting on the bed. He was beautifully toned, his lean body covered in golden skin that displayed the faint lines of the muscles he had. He was slim, but not unattractively so. His face, which she could finally see now it was free of dirt and grime, was quite handsome. Well sculpted and smooth, he had a strong jaw and a straight nose, soft mouth and curved eyebrows below the golden fringe of his wild and vibrant hair. The only thing marring the beautiful figure on the bed was the three faint scars on either cheek, something that had been hidden beneath the dirt before.

Naruto's blue eyes lazily opened as he looked up at her. "I left them in the bathroom," he said simply. "They were really dirty."

Ino snorted. "So what, you're going to dinner in a towel?"

Naruto frowned at her. "You're a wardrobe," he said, apparently loving to point out that simple fact. "Don't you have clothes I can wear."

Ino snorted in amusement. "Well, yes," she conceded, trying to hide her amusement. "Though I'm not sure you'll be delighted with the options.

A moment later there was a loud yell followed by a stream of the curses resounding from the blonds room. Ino was laughing hysterically as Naruto was slumped against the bed, staring horrified inside the closet at the many hanging dresses.

"You can't be serious!" Naruto shouted up at her.

"You could just go in your towel," Ino laughed at him.

Naruto blanched. "Are there no boys clothes here?" he asked incredulously. "I mean, there has to be something I can wear!"

Ino quieted her giggles finally, looking down at Naruto. "Well, the only men's clothing left would be in Sasuke's rooms. They would be the only things to fit you really." Naruto's eyes lit up excitedly as he pushed himself up. "But no one is allowed near Sasuke's rooms," Ino said sternly. "It's forbidden."

Naruto gaped at her. "So I have to wear dresses for the rest of my life?"

Ino snorted. "I have to be a wardrobe," she retorted.

Naruto considered for a moment before sighing in defeat, his shoulders slumping. "Fine. What do you have that's the least feminine?"

Ino was slightly surprised. She hadn't expected Naruto to give in that quickly. She watched as Naruto began to leaf through the many dresses she had, a slight frown on his face as his blue eyes scanned over the beautiful fabrics and designs. He glanced up at her, slightly curious by her silence. "Are all of these meant for balls or something?" he asked, his voice soft.

Ino laughed softly. "This is a castle, blondie," she said, smiling as he frowned at the nickname. "What else are ladies to wear than gowns?"

Naruto shrugged, mumbling to himself as he attempted to find something less ornate than the articles he had gone through thus far. "Is all women that women do? Dress up and walk around looking pretty?"

Ino sighed, finally aiding Naruto in his search, knowing the dresses better than he. "Not all women, but true of the ones who used to frequent here. They knew nothing but pampering, fine silks, and their weight. Not an ounce of intelligence among them. Most of them barely knew how to read."

Naruto snorted. "I barely know how to read," he told Ino, glancing up at her.

"You're not nobility," Ino retorted, watching as Naruto scowled. Finally, after minutes of searching, they seemed to find something the blond deemed satisfactory. He pulled from the racks of dresses a slightly simpler dress, a soft orange with a blue embroidery around the sleeves and neck line. Ino watched in silent intrigue as Naruto carefully put the dress on, lacing up the front corset with expertise only gained with practice.

"You done this before?" Ino asked as she watched Naruto shift in the dress, testing the clothing and his own mobility.

Naruto glanced up at her, pausing in mid-examination of the shoulders. "My grandfather is an everything man. He would sometimes make dresses and make me model them so he saw what they looked like." Ino stared at him in shock before bursting out laughing. Naruto scowled. "It's not funny!" he shouted at her.

"Of course it is!" Ino gasped out, her many drawers creaking as she attempted to get ahold of her laughter.

Naruto scowled at her, finally finishing with his examination of the dress. It wasn't really that bad of a dress. It actually fit him, the fabric soft against his skin as it closely hugged his figure. It wasn't overly feminine, which wasn't something that could be said of the other dresses, and provided relative mobility. Not bothering to tell the giggling wardrobe to shut up, he left the room swiftly, the dress swishing happily around his legs. He heard Ino calling to him as he walked away but ignored her. He'd be back later anyway.

After a few wrong turns, Naruto finally made his way downstairs into the kitchen area. As far as he could tell, there wasn't a ton prepared in terms of food. The stove was quiet and a large array of ingredients and other foodstuffs was spread over the large kitchen island in the center of the room. Curious, Naruto began to pick up the various foods, looking at each in turn, his mind whirring with things he could make. So far, it didn't look like anything had really been prepared, and Naruto was hungry. Or at least, his stomach was, considering it kept grumbling loudly at him.

Feeling annoyed, Naruto began to search for the dining room, only to find it completely empty. Scowling and muttering to himself about 'bad hosts' Naruto stomped back into the kitchen, snatching a white apron from by the door and tying it around himself as he began to work with the food available. Years of cooking for Jiraiya had taught Naruto many things. Along with how to avoid burning down a building and that raw eggs cause sickness, he had become a relatively good cook, eventually finding solace in the practice.

So, half an hour later, the kitchen was bubbling and steaming with the smells of food, the stove littered with pots and pans, various sauces being prepared as at least one dish was cooking in the oven. Naruto was barely paying attention as his mind wandered. He really hadn't thought about his future, always just figuring things would work out as they did, he would stay in the village, open up a shop or continue Jiraiya's business, maybe marry at some point and end up growing old and senile, yelling at inanimate objects. But now, he was stuck here, for as long as the beast, Sasuke, wanted. He had no life, no choice.

No freedom.

Grumbling to himself, Naruto barely noticed when the candelabra entered the room, pausing before jumping onto the counter and observing the scene before him. The room was currently host to enough food and prepared dishes to host a feast, feeding a small army of men and their lady friends. Not only that, but it smelled like the old days, before the majority of the castle had stopped eating due to the fact they were various types of furniture or artifacts. The blond himself was oblivious, in his own world as his hands flew over the many dishes, completely consumed in the work.

He was wearing a rather pretty orange dress too.

Kakashi, feeling he might as well announce himself, cleared his throat, causing Naruto to snap his head up. It seemed to take the blond a moment to realize where he was, his blue eyes flashing about for a moment before settling on Kakashi.

Naruto stared at the candelabra he knew hadn't been there a moment before. He had just moved a meat pie from that exact place, so he knew this was fact. "Are you a talking thingermajig too?" he asked the candlestick, eyeing it warily, hoping the face he could see was his imagination.

"Actually, I'm a candelabra," Kakashi said, smiling slightly as the blond dropped the spoon he was holding. "Though I don't really know what a thingermajig is."

Naruto slapped a hand over his face (probably not the smartest thing to do, considering it was covered in flour). "What is it with this place," he moaned as he dragged his hand down his face. "First a wardrobe, now a candelabra! What's next, the stove?"

"Hey," said Chouji, making one of the pots of the stove pop as he finally introduced himself.

Naruto shouted, rounding on the stove and pointing at it angrily. "I wasn't serious!" he shouted at the now embarrassed former-head-chef-turned-stove. Chouji frowned unhappily at the blond, obviously not enjoying the verbal abuse. Angrily, Naruto stomped about the kitchen, finally finishing all of the food he had prepared and setting it up on the large island, throwing all of the dirty dishes into the sink before twisting the water on.

Kakashi watched in silent amusement as the blond stomped around the room, patiently waiting for him to finally quiet and calm enough for the once-butler to get him to talk. And possibly coerce him into helping with the current situation. However, it seemed he would be waiting a while as Naruto almost immediately dove into the huge pile of dishes, washing fervently.

Sighing, the candelabra hopped over to the blond, thankful Chouji was still quiet (which he usually was anyway). Naruto was scowling at the dishes as he swiped a sopping hand at his forehead, brushing back his hair.

"Interesting choice of clothing," Kakashi said neutrally, resting on the bare counter by the sink, watching the blond scrub energetically.

Naruto glanced over at him scowling for a moment before sighing and stopping his frantic cleaning. "It's not like I could get back into my old clothes. They're practically ruined anyway." He turned back to the dishes. "Plus, Ino told me there are no normal clothes in the castle for men."

Kakashi tried not to laugh. Trust Ino to make a downright lie just to get the poor boy into a dress. Of course there were mens clothes, just not in the women's guest rooms. The men's quarters was in the opposite side of the castle, where the majority of the male visitors stayed, specifically separate from the women to prevent temptation. Not that it really did anything. Kakashi wondered how long it would take Naruto to find the mens rooms and clothing.

"So, are you planning on eating all of this?" Kakashi asked, looking over at the near feast spread out on the large granite island behind them. Honestly, even Chouji, who are more than any man he'd met, couldn't eat all of that.

Naruto glanced back at the food, shrugged, and returned to the dishes, grabbing a particularly large pot and dunking it into the soapy water. "It's not like I'm not hungry. Besides, Sasuke's a beast. Doesn't he eat tons of food or something?" Naruto frowned again as he finished washing yet another dish and plopping it down on a now wet towel to dry with the other cleaned dishes. "Whatever isn't eaten we can save. Nothing wrong with leftovers."

Kakashi knew for a fact that Sasuke rarely ate more than he usually did as a human, which, even then, was sparing. Not only that, but the pampered prince-turned-beast still refused to touch something even remotely related to leftovers. Apparently the stuck up raven considered eating such things 'below him.' These two would be getting along beautifully. And yes, that was sarcasm.

"I never knew you could cook," Kakashi commented, turning his gaze back to the table littered with copious amounts of food. "Did you used to cook in dresses often?"

Naruto shot a glare at the candlestick who simply grinned back before turning back to the sink. "I'd sooner eat pig slop that what my grandfather cooks," Naruto said. "I learned to cook pretty young and one of my good friends used to be a pretty good cook. He worked at the local pub restaurant and helped me learn what I needed. As for the dresses," Naruto paused and looked directly at Kakashi. "I blame all of my sure to develop identity and personality issued on my grandfather for his strange treatment of me in my developmental stages of childhood."

Kakashi tried his best not to laugh and, fortunately, succeeded. He was about to ask about what kind of issues Naruto expected to develop when Sasuke stomped into the kitchen, not paying looking around as he took a seat immediately at the kitchen island and surveyed the food before him. Naruto stopped washing his dishes as he looked over at the giant brooding beast, currently scowling at the food before him. Without a word (maybe a grunt) Sasuke pulled one of the nicely prepared roasts towards himself and began to eat.

Kakashi glanced at Naruto to see the blond's face set in a deep frown. Carefully, Naruto put the current dishes in his hands back into the soapy sink and turned to lean against it, frowning at the currently eating creature before him. "You know, it's polite to wait until the host has sat down before eating."

Sasuke's head shot up, black eyes widened in shock as he looked at Naruto, who was still frowning at the other. A moment later, Sasuke's eyes had narrowed as he slowly pushed himself up. "It's typically polite to announce oneself when in a room," the raven shot back.

Naruto snorted. "That's hypocritical," he scoffed, slapping his hands against his apron to dry them of soap. "You didn't exactly make your presence known when you came in here."

Sasuke growled low in his throat, that now familiar bubble of anger beginning to bubble in his stomach with glee at it's current use. "I live here, dobe," he ground out.

"And I cooked the food you're eating," Naruto shot back. "Might as well thank me."

Sasuke's eyes widened slightly before he scowled, his furry face wrinkling. It made his whiskers move quite interestingly. "Why didn't Chouji cook?" he asked softly, his eyes flashing to the disgruntled looking stove.

"The boy just came in and began making food," Chouji huffed, the oven door clanking and making Naruto jump about three feet. "Don't take out your anger on me. Or him really. Without him you wouldn't be eating right now. Besides, I never get a break."

Sasuke scowled at the talking stove. "You're a cook," he ground out. "You're hired to work, not to get breaks."

Naruto snorted. "You hired a talking oven and stove to do your cooking?" The other tree occupants all turned to look at him, giving him looks ranging from scathing to incredulous.

"I wasn't always a candlestick," Kakashi said, feeling he was the most neutral of them all.

Naruto seemed to realize his misspoken slip a moment later, as his face went bright red and he fiddled again with his apron.

Sasuke seemed to be just fine with keeping on his angry stride. "You insult me and my servants and yet you stand here in a dress," he snapped out. I mean, honestly, the blond was wearing an orange dress of gods sake. "I seem to be missing something. You aren't exactly exempt from the freak show, dobe."

Naruto turned, if possible, brighter red. Of course, it clashed beautifully with his orange dress and blond hair. "At least I'm not the one with fur," he half shouted, fists balled at his sides.

Sasuke bristled. "You're wearing a goddamn dress!" he shouted, pounding his hands onto the island as he jumped to his feet. "You're hardly in a position to be insulting me! At least I know how to dress like my gender."

Naruto threw his hands up in anger making soap fly everywhere. "You're a freakin' beast!" he shouted. "Why bother wearing clothes at all? Animals don't wear clothing!"

This seemed to be really beginning to tread on Sasuke's nerves however, and Kakashi could tell by the gritting of his teeth he was getting angrier than usual, his eyes burning as he looked at the blond. But Naruto glared right back, blue eyes flashing and sparking like the hottest part of a flame.

"You're my prisoner!" Sasuke shouted, digging his claws into the island as his fur rose. "Who are you to insult me! I'm practically you're master!"

Naruto growled, his teeth grit as he glared at the beast before him. "No one is my master."

Sasuke seemed to have had enough. "You WILL listen to me as my prisoner!" he bellowed, fur rising impressively and making Naruto step back slightly, pressing against the sink. "I control you now and you can do nothing about it! You gave your life away!"

The words hit Naruto hard, making a large lump begin to form in his throat as Sasuke voiced the reality that he was trying to avoid. That he was trapped, with no real future aside from this castle, the beast, and dresses. "It's not like I had a choice!" he shouted back, trying to fight down the lump in his throat. "You gave me an ultimatum between this or death! I didn't give my life away, you took that from me."

Sasuke wasn't listening. He was angrier than he had been in, well, he'd never really been this angry. It wasn't even that he was legitimately angry, he had no idea why he was so angry. However, there was just something about the blond which made him _feel. _And he didn't know how to really deal with feelings, so he apparently resorted to anger. He'd been angry most of his life, so it was almost natural that anger would be the fall back emotion. But now, seeing the look on the blonds beautiful face, Sasuke felt something else besides anger. And it freaked him out a little.

"Life's not fair, idiot," Sasuke growled out, suddenly calming slightly though the standing fur indicated the remaining presence of his anger. "At least be pleased you aren't dead."

Naruto was furious. Well, furious, hurt, depressed, annoyed, and slightly indignant but the most prominent of those emotions was fury, so he settled with the one. He had been here a total of a few hours, not even one day, and he was fed up with it already. The talking objects, the lack of men's clothing, and, most of all, the damn bastard beast. He almost wished he had never set out to find Jiraiya, thus landing his sorry rump here forever in a castle while the old man was free to return to the world.

"You're right," Naruto snarled out, pushing himself violently from the sink and ripping off his apron, flinging the garment across the kitchen. "Life's not fair. Life rips away everything you have, leaving you empty, raw, and bleeding." Scowling deeply and not looking at anyone in the room, the blond stormed from the room, ignoring the black eyes which followed him as he left.

Sasuke was in a conflict of interests. Go after Naruto and continue to argue, shout about how he had no idea what he was talking about, that he couldn't possibly have endured as much pain as Sasuke had. Or give the blond space, seeing as the boy had completely changed from his shouting loud obnoxious self in about two seconds. For once, Sasuke wasn't angry. He was confused, conflicted, and perplexed. Looking for a solution, he turned to Kakashi, who was silently perched beside the sink, frowning at his master.

"Ever one for sensitivity, Sasuke," Kakashi said, his voice sarcastic and hard as he looked at the raven beast. Sasuke frowned but said nothing, figuring his nonverbal communication would suffice. "When I said invite him for dinner, I didn't mean eat the food he prepared and then blow up at him."

Sasuke scowled. "He didn't have to cook," the raven said, his eyes briefly flickering to the mounds of food in the kitchen. Damn the idiot could cook. "Besides, inviting him to dinner didn't mean I had to be nice about it."

Kakashi scowled. "It was included with the package," he said sharply, his flames rising slightly as he stared at the impotent raven. "It wouldn't kill you to try to be nice to this kid. He might actually be able to help you."

Sasuke said nothing, mulling the candlesticks words over in his mind before he finally turned from the room, black tail swishing as he left without a word to Kakashi. Kakashi seemed to be pleased with the response, seeing as the candelabra said nothing at his departure. Frowning to himself, Sasuke stalked about the lower floors of the castle, mulling over things slightly.

Now that the blond was here, Sasuke was becoming increasingly aware of his lack of social skills, namely that of proper conduct when not speaking with another noble or a servant. People usually treated him with respect or contempt, either his subordinate or a competitor of sorts. For those he could just be cold, an emotion he was familiar with. He hadn't lived with anyone for years, instead simply abiding in the castle with the workers, brooding and glaring at the rare guest. It all led up to one large deficiency in public affairs.

Naruto was the first person Sasuke had met who hadn't treated him differently. Whether he had been a prince or a big scary beast, everyone he had met treated him in some sort of separating fashion, placing themselves apart from him, seeing him as a thing, no a person. But the blond treated him like he was his equal. Of course, there was no way the blond was his equal.

But he made Sasuke feel, something which no one had been able to do since his brother had left him all those years ago after the death of his parents. Feeling was just something Sasuke didn't know and having it suddenly appear now was extremely disconcerting as well as intriguing. The blond was different, that much was for sure, and for once Sasuke found himself interested, albeit slightly, in another person.

Sighing heavily, Sasuke paused at the base of the large stone staircase leading to the North Tower. Truthfully, he was still hungry, and all the food should be put away, but right now he didn't particularly care. A flicker of light caught his attention, drawing his gaze to a painting on the opposite wall.

It was one of the only few intact paintings Sasuke had left, the majority of them having been slashed as they had depicted Sasuke before his curse or useless landscapes. This one was relatively simple however, though still fairly large. There were four people in the painting, a man, woman, and two boys. The man was extremely stern looking, dressed in royal robes with an imperious expression. The woman beside him was beautiful, her long black hair elegantly arranged into a pile atop her head. She was in an exquisite gown, complimenting her husbands robes. The older of the boys, an adolescent boy with long black hair fastened at the nape of his neck, was smiling softly, dressed in riding gear, his fathers hand resting on his shoulder. The last person was a young boy, his black hair sticking up messily in the back as he stood beside his brother, grinning happily out of the painting, the stiff clothing he wore seeming not to bother him.

Without realizing it, Sasuke had walked silently up to the painting, his black eyes roving over the figures in the painting, a slight stab going through his chest as his gaze slid over the mother and father, moving to the older brother and finally resting on the young boy. The portrait had been painted when he was about five, still innocent in life and admiring his brother like he was a god. Two months later, Sasuke had lost everything that mattered to him. His parents gone in an instant before his brother vanished with barely a word goodbye.

Looking at the smiling boy in the painting, his young face shining as the glistening black eyes stared out at anyone, Sasuke felt his chest constrict. Could he ever be that happy again?

Stepping back and sighing, Sasuke looked up at the painting one last time before turning to ascend the tower steps.

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A/N: I know this is later than usual but I had stuff to do, like thanksgiving, turn 21, and attempt my massive work load. I am extremely surprised we're already half way through! Also, THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR THE REVIEWS! I don't think I've had so many in such a short period of time, same with views! I love you all! I'll be putting up the next chapter when I get some time in this crazy crazy college world. PLEASE REVIEW! It makes the ideas flow!


	6. That Could Be Bad For Your Blood Pressur

**Title:** Beauty and the Bastard. 6/10

**Author:** drainbamage954

**Rating:** PG-13/eventual NC-17

**Genre:** Fantasy, Romance, Humor

**Wordcount:** 5,920

**Warnings:** YAOI (men doing naughty things to each other). Lots of profanity.

**Summary: **"From now until the last petal falls, Uchiha Sasuke, you will be cursed, yourself, your castle, and all those you employ shall be disguised. If you have not managed to have someone fall in love with you and you, in turn, fall for them, you will perish!"

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto. Nor do I own the original story of Beauty and the Beast. I make no profit from this except my own twisted joy at writing this twisted thing.

* * *

6. That Could Be Bad For Your Blood Pressure.

It had been a few hours since Naruto had stormed back into the horribly pink bedroom and flopped face first into the bed spread, radiating an aura of absolute displeasure and frustration. A few hours meant only figuratively, because it felt like that. In fact, it had only been about forty minutes that Ino had been staring down at the blond, who had barely moved, waiting for some sort of sign that the boy was alive or past exploding point.

Ino was, frankly, impressed at her amazing patience. Patience that was wearing extremely thin.

"Oi, blondie, what's got you all hot and bothered?" the wardrobe finally ventured, feeling that, considering her current physical form, there wasn't really much that Naruto could do, save set her on fire or use her for firewood. Okay, so there was a bit that Naruto could do.

For a while, Naruto did nothing, remaining on the bed and glaring at the opposite wall scowling as if trying to make the expression permanent on his features. However, after a moment he let out a loud growling yell and slammed his face into the bed, muffling the sound as his back arched slightly with the intensity of his emotional release in vocal form.

Ino rolled her eyes, wishing, not for the first time that she could put her hands on her hips and pop one higher than the other, the ultimate expression of female haughty. "Wow, that tells me so much," she drawled as Naruto groaned and slid fluidly off the bed to the floor to lie in a crumpled scowling heap, glaring up at the wardrobe.

"What do you think my chances would be?" the blond asked, eyes not entirely seeing Ino but trained on her.

Curious, Ino cocked an eyebrow as she looked down at the blond. "Chances of what?"

"Survival," Naruto clarified, rolling slightly and beginning to push himself to his feet. Ino did her best to look annoyed and confused, which wasn't easy considering the only things she could express with were her face and handle-hands. Naruto smirked half heartedly, brushing off his dress absently. "I think anymore time around Sasuke and I'll try to kill him. I'm wondering what my odds are."

Ino, honestly, could not keep her face from breaking into shock and then laughter. Naruto glared at her. "I think, from watching you two earlier, I'd be more worried about him killing you than the opposite."

Naruto shrugged. "Still, need to know my chances then."

Ino grinned down at him. Granted she hadn't been around Naruto for very long yet, but the blond had grown on her significantly. "Let's put it this way," she said, watching as Naruto listened to her patiently. "Sasuke's a big scary beast, twice the size of a normal human, and you're a scrawny teenage-"

"I'm not scrawny!"

"-human," Ino continued despite Naruto's outburst and puffed out cheeks. "Unless you've got some sort of super power and can turn into a great spectral monster, I'd say your odds of survival are about 1 to 2999."

Naruto's eyebrows met faster than if they had been magnetized. "Why 2999 and not 3000?"

"Because you might get lucky and Sasuke will be more interested in ripping apart his old life than you," Ino said, smirking devilishly. Naruto huffed at her, his hair ruffling slightly as the air passed it, dropping down onto the bed and crossing his arms. "I take it dinner wasn't so great," Ino added, still watching the blond.

Immediately, Naruto groaned and fell backwards onto the bed. "I'll take that as confirmation," Ino said, amused. However, before she could verbally abuse and annoy the blond anymore, Naruto had suddenly thrown himself off the bed onto his feet and was swiftly undoing the laces of his dress. Ino said nothing for a moment, just watching in slight surprise. "I didn't ask for a show, but thank you anyway." Naruto glared at her.

"I'm getting out of this goddamn dress," the blond spat, finally getting the primary ties off and allowing him to shimmy out of the garment, catching it around his waist before any of his *ahem* were visible. Not looking at Ino, Naruto began to search around the room, apparently trying to find something. A moment later he was dragging his old muddy boots from a corner and shoving them on his feet. "There has to be some men's clothes in here, despite what you say," Naruto shot at Ino, not looking at her as he laced up the articles.

Ino sighed. It had been fun while it lasted but really, it could only go so far. Having Naruto in dresses that is. The teasing could continue mercilessly. "You can try the wings around the North Tower," she said, sighing unhappily as Naruto's head jerked up to her, shock on his features at the news of proper clothes. "Just don't go to the North Tower-"

Ino wasn't able to finish as, in the middle of her words, Naruto had bolted from the room, half clothed and running for all he was worth towards the opposite side of the castle. "Naruto!" Ino yelled from the room, pissed she couldn't run after him and tell him the _reason_ for not going up there. However, the blond, currently dressed only from the waist down in a bright orange dress and muddy travel boots, would, more than likely, find out soon enough.

Honestly, as soon as the prospect of real clothes was mentioned, Naruto stopped listening to anything aside from where it was. That was all that mattered. He wouldn't have his dignity wounded any longer. Plus, tunics and pants were _much_ more comfortable than dresses. Of course, the only difficulty now was finding out where the hell he was. An actual obstacle, considering he really had no idea where anything was. Well, except now the dungeon, kitchen, bathroom, and his room. He supposed he was getting somewhere with that. It was just finding them all again that was the hard part. And figuring things out while running through dim hallways always made things a bit more challenging.

After about ten minutes of leg pounding up and down stairs and halls, Naruto was sufficiently lost. Panting slightly at the intersection of two halls and a suit of armor, Naruto grinned. "Well," he panted to himself. "The only place to go from lost is found." He grinned to himself at his brilliant statement and discovery.

"Or more lost," the suit of armor supplied in a clanky voice.

Naruto spun around and frowned severely at it, making it shuffle embarrassedly. "You wanna tell me where the hell to go then, clanky?" he snapped, not feeling at all kind to suits of armor that burst his intellectual bubbles.

"Depends on where you're going," the armor said.

Naruto hopped from one foot to the other for a moment, trying to remember what Ino had said. "Um, the North Tower, I think."

For a moment, the armor just stared at him, or would have stared had it possessed eyes, before bursting into laughter which was both wheezy and clanking. A thoroughly unpleasant sound. Naruto angrily stomped his foot in response. "Well, if you really want to know, it's on the opposite side of the castle," the armor said, holding it's breast plate with a heavy gauntlet. "But Sasuke doesn't allo- HEY!"

Once again, Naruto had stopped listening, instead turning tail and sprinting away as soon as he was given directions, ignoring the rest of whatever the armor had to say. It was annoying suit of armor anyway.

Minutes later had Naruto passing through the primary entrance hall where he had first come in, had seen Jiraiya's travel pack and wondered what was going on. Grinning and figuring he was on the right track, he leapt up the stairs two at a time, racing down the dark hall towards his precious clothes and salvation.

Because Naruto was running, he didn't notice the lack of lights in this portion of the castle. Didn't notice the paintings shrouded in darkness, large pieces ripped from them invisible to the glancing eye. Didn't notice the occasional broken door and cold wind blowing into the hall from smashed windows. Didn't notice the angry gouges from claws in the walls, the torn tapestries and furniture. No, all Naruto noticed was a slightly inconvenient lack of light as he raced past rooms, down halls, and around corners in search of the stairway to his precious, comfortable, _manly_ clothes.

Naruto also didn't notice a small candelabra exiting one of the rooms, looking shocked to see a half dressed blond boy in muddy boots racing past him down the hall. To say Kakashi was surprised would be like saying Sasuke was as cuddly and inviting as a baby rabbit. Not only was he shocked to see Naruto, bare from the waist up as the dress he had been wearing earlier was gathered and tied haphazardly around his waist like some messed up skirt contraption with high traveling boots caked in mud, but the fact that Naruto was even _here_, this far away from where he was _supposed _to be was an anomaly itself. No one came here except Sasuke, Kakashi and Yamato. And Yamato really hated coming here.

Yet here was Naruto, running like he was in the Olympics, wearing completely inappropriate clothes and looking absolutely determined to be in places he shouldn't be. After getting over the initial shock, Kakashi quickly shook himself and ran after Naruto.

Well, ran as much as a candelabra can run, which isn't much.

It didn't occur to Naruto to look into the other rooms he was passing to see if they had men's clothes. Such a logical thought never entered the blond mind. Why would it? So, when he arrived at the base of a large winding staircase, Naruto let out a loud whoop of triumph, bounding up the stairs with enough enthusiasm to run a ferris wheel. If this wasn't the North Tower, he was going to run all the way back to that suit of armor and kick it for spite.

The atmosphere that Naruto had been surrounded by on his entire sprint here finally dawned on Naruto as he reached the top of the stairs. Of course, this may have been because here it was the extreme of everywhere else. The large curtains lining the entrance to the hall were shredded, drifting slightly in a cold wind from a broken window somewhere. All of the triumph and elation Naruto had felt was swiftly drawn away at the overbearing sense of erie the area held.

Swallowing and never one for cowardice, Naruto stepped forward into the tower area and began to push aside the hanging sections of tapestry and drape, carefully watching his feet to avoid stepping on the broken furniture, paintings, and glass. He was just about to step into the main room when something caught his eye. A large portrait hung on one of the walls, large claw marks torn through it but still keeping the painting intact enough to show the image. Squinting slightly, Naruto walked up to it, curious at the image that had been so forcefully destroyed. Close enough to push up the tatters, Naruto tried to place the picture back together, smiling at his work when finally the image was complete.

It was a boy, about the same age as he, with pale skin and jet black hair which stuck up slightly at the back. His skin looked almost impossibly smooth over high cheekbones and accented by dark thin eyebrows and a thin red mouth. But the eyes, the eyes were what had caught Naruto's attention, realizing that one of them had been visible still from the tatters. The eyes of this dark beautiful boy were dark, like the rest of him, deep and capturing. Squinting slightly to try to see better, Naruto leaned forward, trying to read the inscription of the painting.

"NARUTO!"

Jerking away from the painting, Naruto whirled around in surprise, eyes finally landing on a panting candelabra who was rushing up to him. "Oh hi Kakashi," Naruto said brightly, once again forgetting the ominous feeling of the room and the obvious chaos.

"What the hell are you doing here?!" Kakashi demanded, frowning as he fidgeted nervously. Please God don't let Sasuke be here.

Naruto frowned for a moment. "Looking for clothes," he said, as if the reason would be obvious.

Kakashi smacked a candle hand over his face in response. Of course Naruto would be foolish enough to actually go to the North Tower to get clothes. No doubt Ino hadn't told him that the majority of the clothes were in the West Wing, which then _led _ to the North Tower. An entirely different part of the castle which branched up here through a side passage. No doubt one of the passages Naruto had passed in his mad dash. Waving a hand anxiously, Kakashi shook his head. "Nevermind, you need to get out of here, now."

Naruto frowned at the small candelabra. "What are you talking about? I still need clothes," he said, not paying attention to Kakashi's frantic expression as he turned and began to wander around the room. Now that he was here, the room wasn't so creepy. More interesting, like an old abandoned house or a pirate ship. Not that Naruto had been in many of them, but this was how he imagined them to be. "Besides, I want to explore. This place looks cool."

Kakashi resisted the urge to yell in frustration. Though the blond didn't annoy him in the same way he did Sasuke, the necessity of leaving to save their skins was something that had the candlestick on edge. "It is not cool, Naruto. It is scary and destroyed and dangerous," he said seriously, adopting the adult tone he often took with Sasuke when the raven was being extremely difficult. "There are other clothes other places. I can take you to them."

But Naruto ignored him, instead ducking under a large ripped curtain and over a splintered cabinet, eyes bright with curiosity and adventure as he scanned the large room of the North Tower. Silently, he mouthed the word "Wow" before eagerly poking everything and anything he could. Flames burning a bit hotter and brighter than normally due to frustration and nerves, Kakashi clambered after the idiot blond, eyes scanning frantically for signs of large lurking black beasts.

"What's that?" Naruto asked, causing Kakashi's to jerk his attention back to Naruto, who was pointing at something. A softly glowing something that was covered in a glass vase atop one of the old remaining pieces of furniture in the room. A very important something that Naruto _definitely should not be walking towards with intent to examine!_

"Naruto!" Kakashi yelped as the blond reached the table, placing his hands delicately on the surface and bending down so he was eye level with the suspended white flower.

"Wow," Naruto breathed, eyes wide as he looked at the softly shining lotus flower. "It's so beautiful." Carefully, so as not to damage anything, Naruto gently lifted the glass cover from the flower, all the time not taking his eyes from the entrancing flower. It was cold in the tower room, the draft from the unseen broken window sending cold air through the room as the weather outside threatened snow with severity.

"Naruto," Kakashi said, eyes flickering around the room hastily as he tried to accost the blond. "Naruto, don't tou-"

Naruto never heard what Kakashi was going to say though, as the candelabra was suddenly silenced as a large black form suddenly blew into the room, all fur and anger and burning black eyes. So entranced before, Naruto was suddenly experiencing the sensation people referred to as 'blood running cold' as he stared into the furious black eyes of Sasuke the big scary beast.

"I, uh, I was just-" Naruto tried to fumble out, possibly make an attempt to explain himself.

"What the fuck are you doing here!" Sasuke roared, angrily snatching up the glass cover and slamming it down over the suspended lotus, making the table shake slightly from force. To say Sasuke was livid would be the same as saying piranahs might bite you. The ominous air in the room seemed to expand and contract with Sasuke's seething rage as he towered over Naruto, the blonds typically tan skin suddenly drained and pale as his eyes grew wide in fear.

Naruto was rarely afraid. Rarely meaning, he was never afraid when he should be, in dangerous situations, when it became a little too much, he was never smart enough to actually understand that, yes, he should be afraid and running like a bat out of hell for his life. Right now though, Naruto was properly afraid. In fact, he had never been more appropriately terrified in his whole life.

"I was just looking for some clothes," Naruto managed to gasp out, his voice not nearly as strong as usual as his skin began to prickle and his legs to shake. He wanted to run, to flee, to bolt like a spooked gazelle, galloping across the savanah from the ravenous lion about to rip him a new one.

If anything, his excuse made Sasuke even angrier. "Get out," he growled low, sending a sharp shiver racing up Naruto's spine, making him almost immobile in his fear. Growling again, Sasuke snapped, rearing up to his full height and filling the room impressively. "GET. OUT!" he bellowed, his voice accompanied by a loud growling roar.

It was all Naruto needed to move, to trip slightly over his own feet in an attempt to get out of the room, running for all he was worth out of the room, leaping over the broken furniture and tapestries, flying down the stairs. He didn't pay attention to where he was going, just ran. Ran for all he was worth, his blood pounding in his ears like a drum, he fear in his veins forcing him to go faster. Rounding a corner, he stumbled slightly, catching sight of a nearby window.

Out.

Sasuke had told him to get out.

Naruto figured he would be stupid if he didn't follow orders. Or dead. He'd rather be stupid than dead, so, without even thinking, he bolted down the main staircase to the entrance hall, ignoring his state of undress as he wrenched open the heavy oak doors and leapt down the marble stairs to the gates to the deserted road now lining swiftly with heavily falling snow. It was cold and he was still only half dressed, the orange dress still wrapped around his waist, leaving his chest bare and legs freezing. But he didn't care, he just ran, letting the physical exertion keep him warm. He'd worry about freezing to death later when he didn't have to worry about being killed by Sasuke.

He was running blind through unfamiliar woods, blind to surroundings in his haste to get away. Blind and swiftly getting lost.

Back in the North Tower Sasuke had finally, after his initial roar and bellow at Naruto, calmed down just enough to begin hating his life once again and begin to trash his already destroyed room. Kakashi, initially having been silence by the raven's appearance, had finally found his voice again.

"Sasuke," the candelabra ventured, hoping not to be smacked by a giant monster paw. Sasuke said nothing, instead ignoring him and continuing to pace about kicking things angrily. "Sasuke," Kakashi tried again, a little louder. Again, Sasuke ignored him. "Sasuke!"

"WHAT!" Sasuke yelled, finally rounding on the candelabra and throwing his hands in frustration, panting slightly as his eyes still burned. "What gave him the right to come up here. What the hell gave him the idea to trespass, to invade my domain, to touch _my _thing in _my _room in _my _castle!"

Sasuke was fuming as he snarled, shaking his head angrily and shooting a glance at Kakashi. "I gave him a room, I gave him food, I gave him clothes, and yet he still trespasses on my property."

Kakashi sighed. "To be honest, you never did tell him he couldn't go where he wanted." Sasuke simply snarled at him for the comment, making Kakashi's flames sputter. "You can't blame him for being curious."

Sasuke immediately rounded on him, anger in his indignant face. "Curious!" he parroted, looking at Kakashi in sarcastic wonder. "Do you even realize the damage he could have done!" Sasuke's eyes flickered to the lotus encased in glass before he glowered at Kakashi. "He might have ruined everything!"

At this Kakashi snapped slightly. "Ruined what, Sasuke?" he said sharply, eyes stern as he looked at the raven. "There's nothing to ruin." Sasuke looked like he was about to say something before he close his mouth, angrily turning away from Kakashi. The candelabra sighed, wishing he had hair to run a hand through. "Look, I know you're upset, but you need to explain to him the rules if you don't want them broken." Sasuke grunted. "At least tell him why you exploded just now." Kakashi paused. "And give him some proper clothes. The dresses are only funny for so long."

Sasuke glanced up, though still angry a slight flicker of uncertainty in his face. "I doubt he's still here, considering his expression just now."

Kakashi stared for a moment before his expression became extremely angry and dark, impressive on such a small artifact. "Are you saying he may have just gone into this" he gestured to the current blizzard outside "in half a dress and travel boots?"

"I don't fucking know!" Sasuke snapped, throwing out a hand and smashing a bookcase in his agitation. "Serves the idiot right if he did. Only a moron would go out in this."

"Goddamnit," Kakashi spat, knowing that, judging from the blond's terrified face, he wouldn't care about the weather at this point, too driven by fear to contemplate the long term effects of sprinting out into a blizzard. He was halfway to the tower entrance when Yamato appeared, slightly out of breath and looking concerned.

"Is there a valid reason Naruto just sprinted half naked outside during a massive snow storm looking like he'd been shot out of a cannon?" Yamato asked in innocent curiosity.

Glaring profusely, Kakashi rounded on Sasuke, who scowled at him. "Fix it," Kakashi said sternly, pointing with a candle hand out the window into the increasing storm and falling night. For a moment, Sasuke said nothing, simply glaring before growling in defeat and swiftly brushing past the two artifact people down the winding stairway.

"I've missed something again, haven't I?" Yamato asked, looking slightly confused and disappointed.

Kakashi simply shook his head, saying nothing as he hastily followed in Sasuke's wake down the stairs, going to tell the staff to have warm blankets and water ready for when Sasuke and their prisoner returned. And a roaring fire. That would probably come in handy.

Grumbling and spitting angrily to himself, Sasuke stalked down the marble steps of the castle in the snow, glaring about to try to find Naruto's trail in the snow. It was almost impossible, the tracks nearly completely covered in the heavily falling snow and the cold air making the scent hard to place. However, after a moment, he caught the familiar smell of orange and sandlewood and, lowering onto all fours (something he'd never do unless necessary), bolted off into the woods, racing past trees and underbrush.

Naruto was cold now. He had run out of breath and energy a ways back, only able to jog as he tried to continue running away. But he was tired, the sweat on his back freezing quickly and his feet soaked and frozen. God it was cold. It was also getting dark, and fast. Finally pausing and gasping for breath, swallowing what should have been saliva and felt like paste, Naruto tried to get his bearings.

Where the fuck was he?

Everything was an unfamiliar tree, clearing, bush, and sight to the blond, making him sufficiently nervous. He was lost again, and this time, getting unlost might be more of a task, especially considering he was shivering now. Rubbing his arms didn't help and, even if he did put the rest of the dress on, it wouldn't do much considering it too was frozen and wet. Swallowing again, Naruto began walking again, the snow crunching under feet that began to ache with cold.

A sudden noise had him whipping around, frozen blond hair flying around his face. His eyes met nothing but increasing twilight. "Hello?" he called in a broken hoarse voice, raw from the cold and running. There was no reply, but more movement sounded as something began to advance towards him. A rather big something judging from the sounds it was making.

Trying to remain calm (Naruto had heard somewhere than animals can sense fear), Naruto backed up slowly, keeping his breathing even and movements subtle. "Hello?" he called again, hoping that whatever it was would be a moose or something. Something friendly that wouldn't like to eat him.

Unfortunately, Naruto's luck was not something which had been particularly good lately. And it was also in no mood to change apparently as, not a herbivore emerged from the woods but a very carnivorous and large bear lumbered its way from amongst the trees, grunting and growling as it waded through the snow. The changes of it wanting to be friendly were extremely slim.

Resisting the urge to simple run, partially because he knew that, should he try, he wouldn't get far, already exhausted, and partially because he knew the bear, if determined to eat him, would make sure it could, Naruto settled with backing up slowly, trying to remain as inconspicuous as possible. The bear, apparently already intent on eating him, simply growled and bear-roared, advancing on the blond. Though Naruto did not speak bear, he was pretty sure this one was saying something along the lines of "stop moving so I can eat you already."

A nervous chuckle, followed by a slight hiccup bubbled up from Naruto's throat as he quickly scanned the ground for something, anything, to extend his life just a little. A rifle would do nicely. "You don't want to eat me," he told the bear, smiling nervously. "I'm all skin and bones. Not nearly a satisfying meal."

The bear roared again, in bear talk probably saying "who gives a shit. I'm hungry."

Naruto's breath caught slightly as he continued to walk backwards and look for something. "C'mon, aren't you supposed to be hibernating or something? Go eat the thing that woke you up, I'm innocent." Finally seeing a large stick he could use, Naruto maneuvered himself over to it, the distance between himself and the bear decreasing rapidly. The bear made an impatient sound and tossed it's head.

In a split second that seemed to last forever, the bear finally leapt at Naruto. Well, leapt as much as bears leap, which is more of hurling their large bodies at things. In this case, Naruto. The bear lunged, Naruto raised his stick to try to go down at least trying, and something enormous and black and fuzzy came barreling into the clearing straight into the bear, knocking it to the ground and Naruto to the side. Into extremely cold snow, mind you.

Jolting up with a yell from the knives of cold into his skin, Naruto scrambled backwards from where loud sounds of snarling, growling, and fighting could be heard. Shaking his head to rid it of the snow, Naruto's mouth fell open as he watched the large bear face off with an equally large and angry Sasuke.

"What the fuck are you doing!" Naruto yelled as Sasuke bared his teeth at the large hungry mammal. This couldn't end well.

"Fighting a bear, what's it look like?!" Sasuke shouted at him, growling as the bear made a swipe at his head, bear-roaring as it did so and making Sasuke bare his teeth. Of course Naruto could see that Sasuke was fighting a bear. The situation didn't leave much for question, but the part he was confused about was why Sasuke was fighting a bear. Wisely, for once in his life, Naruto kept his mouth shut as he watched in horrific fascination as Sasuke and the bear circled each other, shivering in the cold as he wrapped his arms around himself.

Sasuke had never fought a bear before. He had fought with his brother, his parents, his butlers, his servants, the nobles who came to visit him, the foolish ladies who tried to woo him, a few wolves, but never a bear. It was an entirely new and different experience. By new and different here it is meant to be terrifying and extremely infuriating. The more the bear made large swipes at his face and body, the more Sasuke got angry, growling and lashing back. The accumulating cuts and injuries ignored as his blood began to boil.

Why the fuck was he even out here, fighting a goddamn bear to save some scrawny blond kid who didn't know how to properly wear a dress. Well, maybe that was unfair. He didn't know how to properly wear a dress either. But still, the fact that he was even out here, in the cold, fighting a _bear_ had Sasuke a little more than miffed. And to top things off, the bear wasn't slacking or backing off. It seemed absolutely determined to fight him and eat Naruto.

Sasuke almost let up and allowed it to happen.

Almost.

That train of thought was what earned him a particularly nasty paw to the face though, catching him unawares and sprawling across the snow. Wincing in pain and anger, Sasuke shook himself and scrambled to get up. The bear was a step ahead of him though and was already rearing up on its back legs, mouth open wide and bellowing as both arms and dangerous paws were about to lay into the raven.

'Oh Shit' were the last thoughts through Sasuke's mind before he felt one paw land, sending a colorful array of pain through him as he braced himself for the second.

Which never came.

Instead there was a loud and furious yell, followed by a loud thunk and the bear making sounds that surely weren't of contentment. Pushing himself up and turning to the clearing, Sasuke's eyes widened as he saw Naruto, still half undressed as before, skirting about the clearing wielding a giant stick and whapping the bear about the head with it as the great beast lumbered after him angrily. Every time the bear got close enough to bite at him, Naruto would swing the stick hard and knock it against the bear's head, making the animal roar in pain and anger, snapping it's jaws and stagger slightly, giving Naruto just enough time to get ahead of it again.

Sasuke was right. The blond really was an idiot.

And also quickly losing energy. Even as he watched, Sasuke could tell Naruto was fading fast, the cold and earlier physical exertion slowing him down and giving the bear a distinct advantage. Growling deep in his throat, Sasuke braced himself briefly before lunging directly into the bear, barreling into its side and straight into a tree, slamming the bear between the vegetation and himself with enough force to cause the tree to crack and tremble, sending a wave of snow over them. The bear bellowed in pain and anger, struggling slightly before Sasuke backed off slightly, moving back to brace for the next attack.

It didn't come. As soon as Sasuke had backed off, the bear had seemingly decided it'd had enough of beasts with anger problems and skinny blond boys who hit with sticks, bear-roaring once before lumbering off quickly into the trees away from them. Sasuke watched it go, panting from the effort of the fight, his breath fogging before him like great clouds. Naruto was off to the side of the clearing, leaning on his stick and looking tired and extremely cold.

Sasuke looked over at the blond, finally feeling the injuries he had so easily ignored before and not enjoying them. Naruto, panting himself and shaking, gave him a tired smile.

"You," Naruto began before pausing, shivering convulsively in the cold. "You should seriously do something about that anger issue of yours."

Sasuke frowned at him, still panting and extremely grateful for his thick coat of fur. Not only was it practical in this weather, but it concealed the majority of his wounds from Naruto, who had a few nasty cuts and injuries himself. "I like being angry," Sasuke said flatly, never looking away from Naruto's face as the blond continued to smile weakly. "It's familiar."

"It raises your blood pressure you know," Naruto said, stumbling slightly as he let go of the stick he was propped against and walking closer to Sasuke, still smiling that tired smile. "High blood pressure's pretty bad. Gives you heart attacks and stuff."

Sasuke's frown deepened as Naruto neared. Something was wrong with the blond and it wasn't just his intelligence. "I don't give a damn about my blood pressure," the raven said, watching as Naruto neared him and swayed slightly.

"Hey Sasuke," Naruto said, smiling now as his eyes drifted half closed, leaning over slightly, his entire body now shaking uncontrollably. "You have the same eyes as the boy in the painting." And with that, Sasuke watched with wide surprised eyes as Naruto's eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed to the ground in a heap of limps and ruined dress.

Oh right, lack of fur and sub degree temperatures.

Groaning at the reality that, if Naruto didn't get warm soon he would be an even bigger hassle, Sasuke carefully picked the blond up and, cradling him slightly against his chest, made his way as swiftly as possible through the trees back to the castle, wincing as his wounds stung and burned.

About twenty minutes later, Sasuke collapsed just inside the door of the entrance hall, exhausted, cold, and in severe pain. He had just enough energy to see Kakashi's worried face, Yamato's not far behind.

"Jesus Christ!"

"Wrong person," Sasuke grunted, managing to roll Naruto out from his arms so he didn't crush the blond. Kakashi frowned over his look of concern as Yamato began yelling to the artifact people around, telling them to do various things and tasks. "Fire. Food. Warm. Now," Sasuke said curtly, snarling slightly as he felt something brush against a particularly large gash in his side.

Kakashi nodded once in understanding and Sasuke, glancing to the side, sighed, his eyes on the blond's shivering body as his vision faded to black.

* * *

A/N: I'M SORRY IT'S SO LATE! *cries and begs for forgiveness* Quite literally right off the press. I finished this only just today and am literally posting it as soon as I can. The next chapter is in the works as well as the next chapter for MIA. I'm sorry to people who have been waiting that this is so late. But, hey, I FINALLY got time to write this. Spent about four hours in a library cubby space just writing nonstop. I hope you enjoy this. Things get fun from here on out. I needed the scene for things to progress but it gets happy and lolz now they've done with the bear thing. SORRY IT'S LATE! but please remember to review and stuff. Love to all!

And yes, a bear. Not Wolves. Because I like bears and don't want to be so close to Disney that I'm also cryogenically frozen.


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